Queen Of The Depths

The Secret Affair (Part I: The Mirror)

2012-01-10T14:02:00.000-08:00

At dawn, he looked through the window with hope
he said; "the sunrise is marvelous to see"
what's on the mind, but thoughts of absurd belief
then start the day with a shiny smile

To live or to grieve? I ask myself ... every night
the answer is never found, not yet!
I held the short memories of him, indeed a delight
God only know what all of him "to me" meant

He was a knight with golden hand (s)
a man walking with his chest up with his sword on his left hand
brave enough to rescue the weak and his cruel world
from unfairness and violence it seemed

He choose none, I couldn't believe!
to fly with the stars, he dreamed once
"the moon I wanted to see", Closer, closer from my eye
thus; an Astronaut he became

He was great in all, I believe!
Oh a fair knight he'd be
God gave him knowledge and grace
and his name was....

His dreams... he wouldn't tell!
but the heart beneath his chest is true as a fine steel
with all he was not a man of faith never keep his promises, and always forgetful
absolutely tenacious, never frail

When he speak to me, at any day
he leaves me with joy
a smile on my face, nothing more to say
but to feel the warmth in my heart, is beyond to let it cross by

He make the heart of mine beats out of tune
the colder I get, just a thought of him and am never free
like a mirror in the hand, he looked with a glance
that's to say a mirror and the sword, magic I see!

10 Wonders of life (Part I: Appreciation)

2011-10-22T13:43:00.000-07:00

Listen to the rain drops and let it washes your sins away
feel the warmth of the night but never with melancholy
close your eyes, let it be the end of the unpleasant day
pray to the Lord, with all his might and will's to take your soul peacefully

"I'm not proud of what I've done in this life."
as God gave me all what I need from grace
"live more, freely, I crave for a second chance."
silent in the night I shed the tears of a regret and of how my life was just a waste

on desire, and lust that controlled the mind and drove me like some sort of a machine
it's the reason of what I've became
lost it all, my fortune, my faith and most importantly my love
Oh fade away my dreams, my all she owned the life of mine

She loved me when I am down to earth
she held me when I am in a bad health
she appreciated me, even when I am out of cash

Oh that lady; the queen of my life
the saddest man is what I am now, how could I realize it that late
"burst out crying" she's forever gone
if the end could justifies the means, how could it? it should be the end of life

but it never going to be my last
till I make a change of what's left
to God hear my voice in the night
and free me from this torment

running out of time, to go with my fate?
or live on those memories that'll keep hunting me till I lay in my grave
give me light, give me hope
a reason to live once more

I found her living in me
her sweet shiny smile
her lips were red as rose
beautifull soul she carried along, with the light on her face

I miss the whole of her embrace
her words; "and be true to me as I am to you." said she.
and what she brought to my day. From laugher and peace
lots of love and grace

to me she'll remain here
a memory beneath these sheets with me
of her warm body as if she still near
and her pleasant voice , Oh I can clearly hear

of her face; I see from far
but I rarely recall all of her
the way she talk and breath
I really miss you A'idah

learnt that we always leave the good apple and go for a cup of coffee
while the apple is a source of energy more than caffiene
but we tend to love the things that harm our bodies.
Remember; to appreciate what you've now before it vanishes.

The end

Between Spaces II

2011-08-26T18:04:00.000-07:00

To the unknown I wrote
with passion and pleasure
explosion of feelings , it was an illustrate
'how much I treasure thee'

I kept on writing till dawn
of life and beyond, it's close no question
he wasn't like any other man
an Astronaut and I was a fan

walked on the golden sands
thankful of all God's graces
it makes me sad to live in this world! Where's hate, vanity and never ending wars
I dream of peace to warmth all hearts

with every passing moment
I aim for the best
to hope for tomorrow's deed to end with victory, he said 'it'll be alright'
but it's never alright to loose what kept my dreams alive, there was no comfort

the years passed and still I cry, I asked him 'let me grieve'
he gently replied 'never turn back'. But I disagree!
the past created me
I'll always recall the past of a tragic loss or a massive win; with a smile

was hard to believe I can finally see
'believe me! now I see'
I can see your charming smile
or your golden hair, oh my love I finally can see

I see the moon
or your beautiful eyes, 'you're a very handsome man'
he laughed 'Oh am I? Thank you my lady'. Surely he was not like any other man
I was proud of him, he walked like a champion

now I am sitting on my chair
I am aged and can't barely walk too far
he left years ago, and everyday I lived on his memory after
never forget him a second; he was my lifesaver.

Between Spaces

2011-08-25T20:40:00.000-07:00

To believe in the impossible
and feed the souls on hope
the only way to breath, live and love
he said: let your imagination be free

hight above the sky I lived, where dreams are ready to be true
but I wasn't able to see
only I felt you near me
your breath touches my face

oh pity! I never opened my eyes
guess am not among the braves
nor living near but between spaces
then I can see all the galaxies

once I had a dream, to catch the parides together
tomorrow will come in few and I'll be your mirror
to see through me; dear
and promise you I'll never shed a tear

I lay on your shoulder to see the sunset
and your hand upon my chest
to see or to dream, Oh sweet!!
time already fleet!!
sadly like a speed of light

Dear, if you could hear my beats
beneath my chest; it's monstrous
Ah how time is tedious!
got me standing on my toes

waiting till the end of time
and the body was found on the water surface
he regret a life time
remember my dear, nothing is immortal nor my love

The Misfortune and The Wife Tale (part IV)

2011-08-04T21:37:00.000-07:00

Warning: Before you read this poem. It's a part of a tale I wrote this part called (Broken Vows), note that 100% from my imagination no real events and no real characters.
it's the last part of the tale and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
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Letting go of past memories is not easy
to be free; she asked to pray
and for her wounds to heal today
within minutes the door knocked; and it was Ray

He called her name
gently he held her hand and gave her some solace
she smiled and looked him in the eye
"should I be happy you came or be sad to be left alone?"

His pretty smile shined
he boded
hoping to my grieve must be ended
when I greeted

"Look at me Caroline"
and when I did, his eyes were filled with love
I nervously sat down and beneath I felt ire
knowing my love was just a waste

something in his eyes makes me melt
deep down the heart
I believe letting go must be dent
Ray confirmed ; "I shall hear your confession tonight!"

Oh Moy! I broke our vows but death was the dodge
and our love was another hopeless case
Ray wanted me to be his wife
to be the happiest among all; he assured me

He was ready to make a bound
leaving the past behind
Ray did the shroud
of Moy's body to be graved

In the middle of my disturbance
didn't know what to choose
let go of my love
or remain cold with this scare

My decision was difficult to make
I had to let it flee
among our self disgrace
prayed to the Lord to set me free

With Ray I start over
and him only; was my new lover
he said we will be sooner
and I was becoming a stabber

Moy was my master
of his cruelty "no man can have her"
he died and known as a lier
now I am a laugher

I have the life in my hands
and I said my little thanks
of fear God knows
my war of love was loss

And when I met him at the gate
he said; "you are late"
at dawn this feelings started to embrace
his wife I became and kissed me on the face

At his face I stared
looking smart he retorted
to spend on looking to him till the end
My Ray you controlled the mind; I said

He replayed; "I want to live in your heart"
I said; "you own my heart!"
there was no argument
that he was the one I want

His generously made me ask for what's been paid already
so far from being frightened or being unsteady
he gave all of his money
I said ;"am I talking primevally?"

He smiled at me
"all I wanted is have you all mine"
and he was the luckiest among every one else
he got the money and I was his fortune

But I was just a widow lived in poverty
been taking care of with generosity
and I was owned by Ray
like a diamond that is holy

Believe me I was
a unique lady to him I stays
he sees me from far and scared to asks
to love him with all my sensations

He was too gentle not a tear he ever shown
scarcely he looked at me with ostentation
prouder of me he owned
with his golden watch had no inclination

Yet at the sight he shed no tear
and with all beauty I appear
he said; "you blessed my day dear"
I smiled to say; "you are my beloved master"

I gave him youth and all he asked for
he gave me everything and that was stronger
his voice all I wanted to hear
reminded me of the days when I had fear

May the Lord save you even if you leave
his decision was made
I said" are you going to leave?"
his answer killed me
"don't linger like this, you decided to leave! Now go and don't come to me"

Well I forgive him of what he spent
but he promised to not be extravagant
he didn't want to see the light
and he said; "let it be plaint"

Now my story is done
and may God send us plenty of love
to keep us well and alive
till death shall end me before he is gone.

-the end-

The Misfortune and The Wife Tale (part III)

2011-08-04T20:30:00.000-07:00

Note: Before you read this poem. It's a part of a tale I wrote this part called (until death do us part), note that 100% from my imagination no real events and no real characters.
It's a bit shorter than 1st and 2nd part yet there's 4th part!
Hope you like it!
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The life became empty
he left her with no safety
cruelty and dishonesty
yes he was Moy!

In the time of the night
she used to be impatient
waiting for him to notice the light
and see her falling with no incessant

She incongruously believed in him
and all he gave her was shame
see her horrifically maimed!
injustice to her; he confide

Once Moy was a lover
before he became a drunker
she used to sing to the flower
of her love to remain strong like a mower

A strong lady never fears
but over her weak body she had tears
looked at Moy; and asked for sprees
deep inside losing was her biggest fears

She said: Look at me!
he did with a glance
towards the door he traipse
it could be the end of a life time?

The world started to go around
his mindless words was forged
with tears she loped
but it wasn't her bad

She feared the unknown
to grab her keen
she added: he always been stern!
but still love was in her vein

How he left her in misery
but he gave her the ability to fly
taught her greedily
never to love him softly

"His love disappointed me again!"
She fall a part and ran
and shouted: he was the slain!
the path was lost after then.

-the end of part III-

The Misfortune and The Wife Tale (part II)

2011-08-04T20:29:00.000-07:00

Note: Before you read this poem. It's a part of a tale I wrote this part called (Caroline confession), note that 100% from my imagination no real events and no real characters.

This time I used easy English so you guys wont find it hard to understand.

>>> plus it's just notes from 2nd part not full !!

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Her world started to growl

and mindless trek

binding me with mow

but hey! It wasn't my fault

She feared the unknown

to grab her from the depths of the shores

and bare her with the memory of Moy's

let her rest in piece and frees

And how he left me in misery!

with truth dwell in possibility

mind me I loved Moy

from deep of the core of my

He never held me with tenderness

taught me how to love with sans

never stop at glances

just fill me with all your graces

Oh! Dear you failed me again; she repeated

fall a part on his grave

and the heart was stoned

with emotions she donned

Darkness covered me

since his departure

memories is coming back to me

telling me to stop the bleed

I never thought he's freed

but I knew he's here

inside of me I carry your breath

hope tomorrow I heal

Please forgive me I don't think I dear you

enough of me! My beloved

I gave you my eyes to see

and a heart to love me

But you crushed me

over and over I degenerate

help the prisoner in me to be free

smile for me hope!

Heaven, O I see

light me with a single fire

till I reach the edge

and bend down to see

Is it you? Who I seek?

or fate to finishes me?

everything is attached to my desire

even my love was just a fluke

He treated me like a slave

but he never knew that I love

only you my dear

losing my sanity is what I fear

Wish he could hear

me when I scream

of his name!

Oh! I will never be sustain

Look at me, am I looking sere?

smell of his cigarette

all over me

like if he still near

My soul can't feel

the inner is down to greet

your voice living in my head

I bend...

Thought grieving wont get you back to life

but I shall die with you love

lay me down to the grave

and held me forever may it be

you were unfair to me

but loving you forever was my dream

I knew you were mine

Moy! you are dead, Oh still can't believe.

-the end of part II-

The Misfortune and The Wife Tale (part I)

2011-08-04T20:26:00.000-07:00

Note: Before you read this poem. It's a part of a tale I wrote this part called (the lost page), note that 100% from my imagination no real events and no real characters.
Hope you like it!

Over and over she breaks
A falling tear on her cheeks
Truth dwells on veracity of themes
Crushing those fears

Bending over the pervert
Once those sounds were on the highest supreme
The belt was strong and tight to the extreme
She said: Could thoughts underestimate my fears?

Walked that long empty road
Till her feet are droning and to the board
She ran with buxom
So she cried and said: he graced me with his cold bosoms

The moment I slept in his arms
Leaving the world in endless siestas
With cold and winter
The waves of the sun are veering

At a blink of the eye it only sees the horror
Standing on his perch
With never ending misery
And undo every memory

Cold those cages were over the edge
Lacking water and nothing to feed
On the side there was a tree
Thought it's never free

It was the beginning of a new page
Staring at that tree
Hope is here
but misery is never there

The sun shined and the rain was ready to fall
On the coffin of his it yawl
To the world to hear the sour
and my heart disintegrate to holes

In seconds it was lost
Like a disease in the mold*
Weakening it until it reaches the core
Surd the ears became

On the sound of music she danced
With wealthy smile it shines
The surrounding of thoughts
Rises* above souls

Mind my careless performance
Never thought it will bode
In the field of the rose
High above the Guillaume

Reached the point of agony
That ate the body
From inanimate to ash of Moy*
Oh God its parody?

Wash his body from this despicable sin
And the crows looking for the flesh
With one eye it hunts
Oh irony! Look how it end

With creed of the freedom
She believes in him
The road was full with the cram*
Only he created his doom

But she was left behind; so she sang
And the dawn begin to spring
Warmth her heart and with snug look on her golden ring
Of Moy's memory she knew her grieve just began.

-The End of Part I-

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*mold: is (v) body/ جسد
*rise: is (n) highness/ شموخ
*Moy: name of the character (the husband)
*cram: crowd

A Birthday Wish To An Astronaut

2011-04-28T13:13:00.000-07:00

Simple words can make thee smile
so thought to hold my pen and start to write
to wish you a happy birthday
and how we're delighted to have you in our lives, I may say with felicity

May God grant you joy, long prosperity
and send you power that keeps you away from misery
lighten your heart with faith and hope
May he keep you safe in every step you take

Hope today adds more happiness to your life
gives you good fortune and a beginning of new life choice
then you shall have it on your hand to own
with successful future, Amen.

P.S. this poem have 3 parts too long, a birthday wish shouldn't be 3 parts so thought to keep it short and more simple to read instead of putting lots of literacy devices and classic vocabs gotta say that's the shortest poem I've written so far, hope you like it.

Unsaid

2011-04-04T10:10:00.000-07:00

There's curiosity controlling the mind
there's fear against the creed
and eager for tomorrow's deed
but surely; I'll praise thee till the end

I believe in his smile
where I found a place I can call home
and peace
a word or a look upon his face

I thought I'll never be healed
with a glance I am freed
yet as he spoke to me; I smile as I could
and 'I love' is the only word

happy at heart?
to live life to the fullest
with his presence I'll be gladly the happiest
and once I was told, he's the sweetest of all yet the best!

O, God hear me
a command of his to set my soul on fire
to melt over the flame
and the love that'll never change

now, I'm more joyful and I can happily sing
to the stars and whatever it could bring
of his love to overcome me, or something!
I couldn't figure but am patiently waiting

I am a little scared my dear
of a tragic loss; that's my fear
please hear!
so, you and I wont have to suffer

I weep with devastation from my cruelty
I doubted your love to me, and torn you apart dramatically
mind me, once I break I say things spontaneously
but believe me, I'd never dare to hurt you purposely

if I can undo all that
and heal every wound on your body - I must!
not break your heart apart
I'll heal it with time, no doubt!

promise you I wont fail you again
to the last breath of me I'll keep it in
or I'm undone; if you asked me to fly upon
you - the only one in my core, no confusion

now, my dear to demonstrate my feelings for you
I'll leave the decision of it all up to you
clearly, because I dearly love you
forgive my words or deeds if they've once injured you

the words seems so hard to pronounce
so, I write!
it could be my only way to say words that are sincerely true
and yet no one else matter but you to me

last words to say
in silence you may read those words of my poetry
don't refrain after and don't go away
whatever happens I'll never change but I'll definitely stay

I'll say with honor
for the world to hear
I'll love you with all I've of power
then I should leave you happily after

Soul Torment

2011-03-07T10:11:00.001-08:00

If the sun was a lie
we never reached the existence line
life taught us how to manipulate
now it's a grace!
My soul was forgotten
among the thirsty we claim
shouted: that's my petition
the brave may hear the voice of mine
Years I was running after my fate
recognizing the face of true anguish
the pressure came upon my shoulders
till I couldn't stand on my feet
The path was undefined
strange feelings in the depths of me
shortly I was home again
back to my torment
Torture the souls without a request
high above it flies
and the eyes can see the soured
silence the song that never been sung!
forever hoped to hear that in my ears
singing the words we never came across
those words weren't ours
but I always wanted to hear!
Lord! Guide the mind to realization of it's endless agony
let it see the meaning of the unspoken words
"burst out with tears"
and among the blind may it see
Only for her heart had died of pain
her wishes were granted
to die before it sees the losing of hope
becoming a disteny
So I suppose you see?
"nodded" never I believe
I lost the ability to see since that bright face
Oh!! The light came right through me
Black in vain, my unleashed story of thee
YES!!! I do I do I do...
the hope was real
to lure him on to sorrow and perdition
Laughter I hear from far
and the eyes can't see
the only truth infront of me
it was just a fantasy
Written on the wall of eternity
it must have been irony
to lose everything you own
lingered out to that happy day
It's anguish my dear
controlled all of me
remarkable my dreams were
crossed the lines of reality
Drove me to my darkest fantasies
led me to beg thee
but found no mercy upon me
he gave the soul a torment
Cut the figure he intended
slowly and soothed all my sorrow
he was charming with cold sharp looks
never appreciate anyone, that's apathy!
Dare and confess it's against beliefs
offer the body coldness and sin
found fools among us
Oh that never worth a penny!
Lord! Forgive me it was just a frailty
no escape from your past
over his weak body I stand
with vanity and some out of hate
If that good man
the owner of heart
who cured the wounds once
left me all shattered!
For a wise man, he never was
to be good, he wasn't any
feeding on my agony
and the prodigy wasn't me the weak!
He only out of agony screamed
seeking the peace from me
his curse was jealousy
may the souls wrath on him
If I may?
take the pain all away?
would you let my cold hands touches your face
and smell the perfume on your neck?!
Sang the "words" very loud and clear
sweet! of you to pretend a tale
written with ink on a piece of paper
so wild the hearts can get
A perilous man indeed
his name was forgotten with years
but the memories remains sweet
beautiful days never return again
One thing I worn you of
the love of thee
hurts like a sword in the throat
the pain no one can bear
Out of my words, and spoken emotions
nothing I want but thee
to his love may confine my breath
fill the joy in my depths slowly
his grief, very near he fell down
on his knees: I'll undertake!!
the weather was getting gloomy by then
a flower, to thee I gave
True what they say; no pity for the cowered!
a true servant to him, while I am living
Lord! I ask no more.

A Poem (The Struggle Within)

2011-01-29T08:33:00.000-08:00

Note: before you read this poem must know that I wrote this poem with my imagination the characters are not real and it's just a story like poem I 1st named it "the lonely poet" but found "the struggle within" more suitable , your feedback is important; written on 25 January (5:35 PM).

The Struggle Within

When the sun fell and darkness took over the sky

I dreamt on her shoulder to fly

with the warmth of her love hope died lastly

lying on the other side thinking of what to say

opened my heart; to say:

you are beautiful but empty

she looked at me and asked me: Why?

my words were lost somewhere suddenly

silence is what I don't understand, indeed a mystery!

when it was all so simple and words were easy to say

She touched my hand and said: I understand you perfectly

well I assure you; among the dreamiest our love was extraordinary

there was a time when tears were dry

never thought I'd lose and simply lay

beneath the sheet I cried with the memories of your beauty

I couldn't breath till I saw her smile; she is my fancy

that once was a reality

she sang her goodbye and danced on the river beautifully

the beauty flew away

like it never existed before; sadly

she was the only one I can standby

she had a strong appeal and amazing personality

when I asked her to stay

silence was the answer adamantly

the lonesome started to gets the depth of me, all I did is pray

sat by the river and broke away

everything was doomed while I realized she was here yesterday

but not today

Oh the queen of my life died on the 4th of July

and our love fade away

there was nothing but her smell in the river way

when we used to play

the truth is I died when I chased the train way

thought I saw her; Oh what a joy!

it turned there was me only

and the light a head directly

the imagination of mine drove me crazy

nothing seemed real but her apparently

the life was sour without her around honestly

I had nothing to believe in but the truth that she's far away

my days were long and timeless, it was just apathy

drown in my poetry; at least I can talk to her through it consistently

believe me Emily

the need of your warm kisses is killing me slowly

wish if she was here currently

I know she can hear me but yet no reply

she used to be the one who talks and I am the master of silence

Oh irony!

now all I want is to hear that voice daily

like I am addicted to her mostly

she used to give me happiness easily

like if she was an angel fell from the sky

she used to stand out perfectly

and speak six languages fluently

I had that woman that acts intelligently

Oh I still crave to touch her body

my days after your departure are dark and lonely

would you give me a sign that you live across reality?

I begged her to stay

by the river I'll wait patiently

to you to come and recall my fray

that you never deserved the cruelty

all the beautiful things in life it was a form of you truthfully

I got you all mine once; they called me the man who was lucky

Oh well! it didn't last unfortunately

wish if the star am looking at was you precisely

it's been years since you left the life and I still remember your face reverently

I'd waste the lonely times and enjoy drawing your portray

my core is torn apart Emily

why you had to stab the heart and leave me lonely

I cry over your grave daily

while the faith grew in me day by day

those days close to end finally

quietly I sat and wept in the Church of Saint Anthony

the illness took over me scantly

thought my days were over shortly

I prayed to God to send me a miracle urgently

you knew me Emily I never been a man of faith nor spiritually

but things changed, when you left me secretly

the love of yours warmed my body

and I still feel you at night beside me touching me softly

as you were the flower and I was the little prince who held you tightly

I regret not giving you the world; I ask now tolerantly

to grant me one chance to be with you for eternity

I loved you deeply

worshiped the sand you walked on; that's not maladroitly!

was magical your appearance midnightly

I crumbled within seconds; realizing the illness spread malignantly

saw your face lighting my room neatly

O, the smile of yours tamed me permanently

fall in love with you ages ago and I still feel the same way

I devoted my work and my life to you only

now it's the time to take me away

with you; flying above the stars happily

when our love gets bigger and bigger uncountably

the last wish; for you to be a reality

and there was a lost story

between the lines of my poetry

where I lived in reality

and she was just imaginary

-The End-

The Art of Strategy: A New Beginning

2011-01-01T05:34:00.000-08:00

Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past.

I wont get into details of last year, that would be in 2010 diaries. Which I'll post later on my other blog.

I can't believe that 2010 ended so fast, to me it was thou I've done lots and at that time it seemed easy and spontaneous!

While I assumed it was difficult. Well, I guess you will never know unless you try, right?

So, I went back to 2010 resolutions and I was happy to see that I've done them all! and can't wait for this year to show me what it's hiding for me. Am all open arms, welcoming new beginnings, experiences with the bad and the good once as well. I realized I am getting stronger day by day and what hurt me last year it's like a tickle in my feet now. Means "nothing" I am glad that I faced a lot, glad to see the world with its beauty and ugliness and realized that's not going to effect me anyway. All I know for sure it will motivate me to do more and achieve more. But most important I'll always keep the smile on my face!

Let's get into the bottom line!

2011 Resolutions:

1- Keep the good performance in Medicine
2- Keep getting high grades at the end of each semester, so I can keep the scholarship

3- Take 2nd level course in learning German language

4- Start building my own villa

5- Start the creativity with my new camera

6- Finish my 1st short film

7- Do more with my Community service team in volunteering work

8- Travel: South Africa, Germany, Kuwait, United states of America

9- Cut the stress: be more relaxed and do what it takes to make my stress less

10- Take Yoga classes

11- Get a piercing in my nose
12- Stay Healthy by eating more healthy food and keep doing my daily exercises

13- Work smarter as a freelancer

14- Read books at least one book per month, due to the over packed of medicine studies
15- Take care of my looks and style keep it more mature and elegant that's what a lady should be like
16- Spend my money wisely
17- I want to attend a real live ice hockey game (I so want that)
18- Attend more medical conferences that will help in my CV for the future
19- Meditate, and be spiritual
20- show more gratitude to God and do my religious duties on time
21- Give more compliments and not be a pain in the ass or rude
22- Learn to commit
23- reconnect with an old friend
24- Visit the historical places in my country that I never been to
25- Be more positive, and believe in the positive thoughts
26- Listen, talk more, tweet/Facebook less
27- Throw a costume party at the end of the semester
28- Buy a telescope,and get a pet
29- Be true to myself and others
30- Live life to the fullest

The design of my future villa ♥

After The Hurricane There's A Rainbow...

2010-11-30T13:22:00.000-08:00

Sleepless nights are uncountable really, for a med student insomnia is normal. It's actually weird if you sleep more than 5 hours per day. I usually listen to my thoughts when I can't seems to sleep, listen to what they're telling me and try to understand if they do make sense or not?

Lately, been feeling great knowing exactly what am doing and what I really want. My prayers been answered I am so blissed, few months ago was thinking to transfer to Germany but it's quite complicated for me to manage to do that. This morning, went to college waiting for the professor but actually some others came in and gave us a lecture about the new system and program in the college. I gotta say that my reaction was speechless, it's like if it's meant to be!!

Anyway, the new program is "students exchange program" which allow students to transfer to out side of the college, and one of the Universities that was included: University of Tübingen in Germany. I am really thinking seriously of so for now I got one year and 6 months to decide where to transfer, and I found what I really want it's right infront of me, I can't describe how it feels right now but am thrilled knowing that I was dreaming of it now it's like an open door for me.

On the other hand, I realized that no matter what you do to people and care too much! You will never please their thirst. So, what happen actually is when I was a leader in my college they all were nice to me and when they need me am always there and tried my best to help out. Some were like so nice with me but behind my back were gossiping and talking behind my back while they were the people I helped the most! To me I didn't care really, let them say what they want I know who I am and that's what really matter!

When you are confidence, believe in your self nothing can break your shell, people meant to hurt you that's human nature and see will it break you or make you stronger? I gotta say ignorance is really a bliss!!

Another thing happen to me yesterday, I had this fight with my childhood friend about her birthday! She was like "aren't you coming to my birthday party?" I told her I can't come due to my exams and for a medical students you can't waste a day out side doing anything but studying. It's quite hard to manage it! I thought she would understand how medicine is specially that her birthday is before my exam with 2 days only!! Her reaction shocked me, she snapped and instead she talked cheap with me, it hurt for a while but then I realized that even the closest people to you are so selfish they never understand what you're going through and never will because they're not wearing your shoe. But honestly, it's quite sad that the closest people to you don't understand your situation!

Well, I always say that once we get up from bed in the morning ready for a new day, we should be prepared for daily doses of disappointments and discomforts. Be immune to those that effects your mood, your feelings and thought. Do what you think is right and follow your heart but 1st listen to what's your mind trying to tell you. Relax and look at the world from your own view not everyone's it will make you confused and lost in the middle of now where, you wont know where you want to go nor knowing what you really want!

Simply, it's your life, your choice, make the best out of it! Don't listen to others that will taste great when you create your future with your own hands, not depending on others, not listening to negative talk from others. Learn to be independent, this how you create your personality, future on your own. And here you gain more confidence, standing by your beliefs and knowing that God will always reward you after you resistance and hard work.

The True Meaning of Sacrifice

2010-11-24T16:29:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we have to make sacrifices in order to succeed. Steps on our hearts, blocks our thoughts and ignore our emotions, to learn the lesson in the hard way and get massive results.

Last March I got my 1st job, I couldn't say no to it because it was an offer and it was like a dream to me. Never thought I'll work in MBC (media group) one day. So, I took the chance it was exhausting to the max at 1st because studying medicine isn't easy at all. It's like am in the middle of a battle field, studying aiming for high grades and trying to finish my work on time.

I really don't know how I survived, I thank God deeply for the strength he gave me. At that time, I gave up on lots of things I like to do, i.e go out with friends, play sports and etc.

Simply, I didn't have time for myself at all! I thought I got 2 options, to leave and enjoy my time or fight back and achieve more?

I chose the hard way, I like challenges and throw myself with sharks. Because I guess this is how you can see how much you can handle. The good question; will you survive?

Before I thought of all that, it took me a while to decide but I knew I can do it, I believed in myself more than anything in the world. And I believed that God will never leave me alone, all I have to do is do my best no matter how much it took from me because I got nothing worth all that effort than a bright future. I don't want to be famous or a rock star, I want to win the noble prize in medicine. I want to be a great writer who inspires others to do great in life. I want to leave an impact every time I enter a place in each person in that room with my knowledge. Once when I was a kid, I sat on my dad lap (may he rest in peace) after I told him how happy am due to my teacher compliment for my good performance in school. He said to me with a big smile:

"I don't want you the be the best, I want you to leave impact, to let the others see how great you are and educated at same time inspire them to follow your lead. And when you enter an assembly I want you to own it with your knowledge, and how you do that? Share your knowledge, speak wisely and respect others opinions."

If I didn't have a great father, I wouldn't be the person who I am today, nor my beloved mother, she supported me in my crazy decisions and in every step I made. She encouraged me to accept challenges even if took lots of good things away from me because this is how we successfully learn and achieve.

As my parents were supportive, knowledgeable and appreciate good education, I am too! It's really the only thing that I live for. My aspects, my beliefs is based on good education and I want to pass that to my children too. And tell them stories about their grandfather who was extremely enlightened and intelligent. I myself impressed by his achievements. And I shall tell his story as long as I live!

Lately, my mothers was telling me how all my friends and all girls in my age either they're married or got some lover how come you don't? I honestly laughed, and told her I got the choice in my hand either to be busy with a spouse or study and change the world? I chose the difficult path which is the 2nd. because it's not worth it someday he will leave or break my heart or I'll do so, but if I changed the world I'll be remembered with that achievement and my name will be written in the history books. Which is difficult to achieve but nothing is impossible nor hard workers end up with nothing. So eventually that's my sacrifice!

Lastly,

it takes courage to face challenges and dare to win them. Even if you lost, try again till you win!

Quote:

"Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine" - Peter M. Latham

Artificial intelligence

2010-11-08T01:12:00.000-08:00

From the title you may think it's about Jude's Law movie, which it was one of the best movies I've seen lately. I never heard of it till few days ago, one of my friends recommend it to me, it was beyond my expectations simply genius.

So my reason behind the title isn't the movie really, it's just a coincidence. Main reason, I was looking up through some books about Computer Science, as it's very interesting field and quit complicated as well for me!
I am one of those people who appreciate science very much! I like to know about everything to be just aware of what's happening around me. And as I am not so good with technology and don't know much about computers thought to dig a bit more about it computers and all that. I felt that I droved into an ocean, and I thought Medicine is the only field that it's wide with no limitations nor specific information bounded to give you a material or understanding the fundamental of its terminology.

It took me a while to understand some of the terms and after getting a specific books that explains only computer science. Well, I was shocked and I gotta admit it opened my eyes to new things I never knew about which it gave me the motivation to look more and dig for more information a little bit of that and some of that would make me even more wealthier according to knowledge. It's astonishing how each field got its own complication and difficulties in the prospective of students. Not just Medicine , but (Science) itself is combination of widely information with association of pure intelligence. At least this is my prospective!

I believe in science as it's the religion of some of us and some don't even believe in science, appreciating it's existing or not wouldn't change the facts it's the change of the globe and improvement of the mind that is amazingly work. The religion is the only truth and science it artificial intelligence in this case!

Way different subject, this week was one of the best weeks ever, full of surprises without disappointments thank God, this time I feel like I am on top of the world. I got back what I've lost when I stopped thinking about it, it found its way to me without any previous invitations.

This life, once it gives you something you may lose it, then you'll constantly think of that lost, but when you decide to move on and stop thinking of the past loss. This time you will be a winner by gaining it back doubled!

Hope you learn something from me today,
Au revoir!

Great Achievements

2010-10-29T09:10:00.000-07:00

When you set up your goal, focusing on what you want, working hard despite the struggles you go through in the end you will get your results.

Through that journey you will face lots of obstacles, you gonna have to face the storm and hold on tight, the real test is will you survive?

If you believe in the powers you have, the abilities that God gave you and not just that, but working hard to achieve the highest levels in work, studies etc. for sure you will have the greatest results; but in the middle you might face people who discourages you, jealous of you, or supportive friends & family family. That's a blessing if you have the 3rd. You might even need to take risks, to me I put it in the last options when I am really hopeless and if it's the only choice I have, but risks only in work, studies the elements of bright future. Risks is needed!!

Another thing you'll have to put in mind, when you are in a position in Medical fields like myself, you must understand that you gonna have to forget your social life, your hobbies, and might sacrifice a lot in order to be in top and be one of the best medics.

So, I had this honor to be a leader and representing my classmates. It's too much pressure on my shoulders, to make everyone happy and comfortable. And do my work on time, plus studying and catching up with the lecturer. Not just that, trying my best to achieve my aims, helping my friends who needs me too and try to be present in their lives same goes to family. But I don't know if I have time for myself anymore! I don't remember when was the last time I had something for myself or talked a heart to heart with my close friends, I even don't have time to see my friends or hang out with them!! I don't have time at all.

I feel like I have been droved all away from them. But that's what I meant by "sacrifice", you gotta park your bus if you want something or shall I say: "Achieve something you aimed for."

Now I am so convinced that this what I always wanted why should I let it slip away from my fingers?? I decided despite all the work and the studies and everyone counting on me as their Leader. I wont let them down, I will have to let go of all of my favorite sports, hobbies, fun, etc. to have the bright future I always dreamed of and promised my mother to have. I realized I only want to make my father proud of me am sure he will even thou he passed away. His soul is always with us. I am going to leave everything behind and work even harder, because "the key of happiness is great achievements."

You will feel amazing if you did something on your own and it results was: Successes.
Just like yesterday me and my colleagues had to be a part of event for community service to stand for Breast cancer awareness, it was a massive successes. It wouldn't be without the great team we had from BMC students I was thrilled and it felt like putting ice on my burned heart I felt just happy and great knowing I have those all supportive, hard workers with me, surrounded by brilliant people is what I exactly need. I am blessed!

Women stand...

Forming the largest human pink ribbon to increase the awarness of breast cancer. Was held in Jeddah/Saudi Arabia, (28-Oct-2010) lastly we broke Guinness records by more than 3,000 female standing to make a statement and send a message to the whole world. I'm pleased with this global achievement and thankful for everyone's efforts that have supported the campaign.

Special Thanks:

To all my BMC team, and classmates who helped to make this happen and my family who supports me in everything I do, my best friends my life without you is nothing. Thank Allah for his blessings, that are uncountable am glad that I have all that in my life.

10-10-10

2010-10-10T13:13:00.000-07:00

"There're some dreams cannot be reality, only if you believe. In your head is real!"

This week was tough, yesterday I was walking beside my friend and telling her how I would feel if I didn't win the elections for (Leader), it's not a big deal but still it's "losing" and the more I win the more I want to achieve more. So I told her sometimes you have to be bad ass to win and the fight must be dirty, to me I don't accept losing and I must win the elections because I always dare myself to win! It reminded me of what John Lennon said once:

"You have to be a bastard to make it, and that's a fact. And the Beatles are the biggest bastards on earth."

That's life, you cannot be an angel all the time, you gotta fight for your future and your own benefits even if it will make you risk things and look like an asshole.

So, at night I was thinking of my life lately, how things have such a strange path, from the bottom of hell and in a blink of an eye to heaven! It's strange how we all go through ups and downs within days, a day you're in your worst another you are on top!

Sometimes it's exhausting to clean your messy life, you barley walking! Even the injuries you get from fighting life battles takes long time to heal. But no matter what you face and do, it result in one thing: You survive!

"resilience is the ability to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions or situations its an attribute of successful people."

Today: 10-10-10

Was exhausting day at college but at the end I had fun with my close friend Sara mgd <3
God we were so stoned thanks to the huge intake of caffeine and the awesome lectures we take in medical school =D
And did I mention I won the elections! So I would like to give and advice to all of you who thinks that winning is easy; think again! All you need is confidence and don't put your hopes high so you wont end up disappointed, be smart and resist on winning with believing follow it with working hard to get what you want. Set your goals, plan how you will reach'em. Believe is an important word, I always mention in my blog trust me it does work!!! Don't forget to relay on God he always support you if you ask him for some guide-ness. One more thing put a note on your mirror (I am a winner) so every time you look at the mirror you see it and believe it, for me it does work you gotta find some ways so simple to keeps you motivated and push you to do more, dream more, and be who you truly are!

"You're just left with yourself all the time, whatever you do anyway. You've got to get down to your own God in your own temple. It's all down to you, mate." John Lennon *

Fragile

2010-10-06T11:49:00.000-07:00

I've not been able to update my blog, due to work and college. This is my 2nd week in Medicine and am already over loaded with studies. I feel completely lost not in studies but I need support I guess some guide-ness will definitely help. Hope this is just a phase and I'll pass it soon because I need the old me the hard worker and I need to focus on what's important in my life. So I realized:

"I look at life as a challange, and I am running towards the future to reach the top. Life put me under experiments to test my strength and ability to survive. There when I score high in the test."

Another thing, I feel the absence of certain people in my life is reached a limit that I want to understand why, I cannot accept their absence anymore. Because they're important to me and I need them beside me in every step and in every decision I make. Somehow, I feel that God replace them with another amazing supportive people, they came out of now where and held my hands telling me that everything will be alright. I really appreciate having them in my life. And I thank the Lord for letting them into my life in a blink of an eye. So I realized:

"People change like a cover of a magazine, the friend become like a stranger, and the stranger become your closest friend. In time of need you'll find your friends are standing watching you cry instead the stranger hold your hand and tells you that it's gonna be alright. You never know your true friends unless you fall into deep shit, then you'll know the real friend."

Behind the title name (Fragile); do you feel that sometimes? Do you feel like you're so weak like you cannot hold on anymore? Yeah I am going through this phase. I call it a phase because it always comes and goes. At the end I feel stronger but there comes a time I feel so weak like I just need a hug and a shoulder to cry on with not limits and boundaries to express my feelings but I rarely open up it's not a thing I usually do. I go to writing better than speaking for me because I don't want to be judged or misunderstood so "keeping quit" is an aspect I follow.

Lately, due to the stress been having nightmares and unpleasant dreams, headaches and lack of sleep. I decided to start writing something I would like to publish one day, But am afraid of the obstacles that I may face actually I will take the risk and go through it with the easy or the hard way! I like challenges and I know that if I didn't try I wont know?! and when I win I will achieve something, therefor I add more stars beside my name. I don't care how much I will lose to get there, I believe that losing is apart of winning, you don't just win! You've to go through lots of disappointments and losing. But that doesn't mean "you are a loser!"

Thought: I really can't wait to finish it and impact the world, that's my 1st aim.

This morning, I woke up on my mom voice, she was talking on the phone crying out loud, I haven't seen mom like this for a long time. And then she told me she have to go because one of my relatives found dead in his apartment in Dubai! I barley could hold my tears I didn't want to be weak infront of mom she needs me now to be strong. I decided to go to college and pretend that everything is okay and fine. Like always, the smile on my face as everyone recognize me with my smile. But they didn't know that inside me is a heart full of sadness and eyes filled with tears, all I wanted is a hug! I realized that life is really short, we once were present the next day we are absent. We leave without warning, they leave everything behind all their belongings and their beloved once. They leave us with a memory and a tear on the cheek. And it's hard to accept their absence. I found out that am really scared, scared to leave and die alone, just like him he died alone, no one was near him; no one saw him die; no one got the chance to tell him goodbye. I feel so fragile that I can even breath easily, am scared from tomorrow when my time comes in and my ship take me. It wont come and tell me it's your turn, it will not knock on my door, what I am scared of is if I wont have a chance to say goodbye! I am afraid to leave without telling my family and friends how much I love them, life is really unpredictable and too short but we really never realize that! If we remember death every now and then, Just be prepared to life by not fearing death. I will have to make my self stronger than this, try to understand that all that is just a part of life. We enter the door of "life" like complete strangers, and leave it like one too! We will always remain strangers who just passed by and went to another destination.

A prayer:

"O Allah! Forgive him. Have mercy upon him. Give him peace and absolve him. Receive him honorably, and make his grave spacious. Wash him with water, snow and hail. Cleanse him from faults as thou didst cleanse a white garment from impurity. Requite him with an abode goodlier than his abode, with a house-hold goodlier than his mate. Cause him to enter heaven, and protect him from the torment of the grave, and the torment of the fire. O Allah! forgive thou those of us that are alive and those of us that are dead, those of us that are present and those of us that are absent, those of us that are young, and those of us that are adult, also our males and females. O Allah! whomsoever of us thou sufferest to live, let him live as a follower of Islam, and whomsoever of us thou causest to die, let him die a believer, O Allah! deprive us not of his reward and tempt us not after him. O Allah! Waheed, the son of Basha, is under your protection, and secure in thy neighborhood. Therefore save him from the trail of the grave and the torment of the fire. Thou you are the fulfiller of thy promise, and the Lord of truth. Allah forgive him and have mercy upon him. Allah you the forgiver, the Merciful."

The Desire

2010-09-22T12:48:00.000-07:00

"In the time of need, I see your face in front of me..
You never been but an illusion...
I aim to bring you to reality...
and here I am standing beside you, saying my vows...
Forever I am yours and you are mine...
Till the blood dries I will always desire you."

A man was judged by his own actions, or words. People blame him for his desire that crossed the limits of their prospectives and ethics not trying to understand nor help him. No one is perfect, we sin, we bleed till death just like one another. Still we find it hard to cope with our own people.

For me I was in this spot, and still I am! Since I went out of family ethics and confessed that I love some one who's completely stranger to my family. Where I come from as pure Saudi it's hard to accept believe it or not we still have these issues. To them I broke the law, not just my family but also the people who were around me, the community! They give you this look like you committed adultery, while I was just deeply in love. I didn't commit any crime nor lost my dignity, all I know I am feeling these beautiful emotions that with time turned to fatal pain in the core of my heart.
I did't get the support from family, nor friends they thought am choosing the wrong person to tame my heart. At then I truly believe that "Love is Blind" it really is, you don't realize it but all people does and you cannot see the truth that they're seeing. I followed the emotions of mine, drown on the world the I created for my love in my head I was living a dream and in reality it was just illusion droved by my own desire.
I believed in him, as he walked away. I stood watching couldn't stop him, today I regret that I kept my mouth shut. I learned that:

"If you have something in your heart, let your feelings become spoken words it might give you the change you were seeking all along."

Don't wait for the ship to comes and pick you up, go find it! Well I've been through a hurricane for 3 years, but my life is not all about that, I got myself busy in achieving other things in my career and studies which am so proud of. I came to this realization that "God take something from you that is so precious but in return gives you something else that drew a smile in your face and made you feel warm and better.", I am lucky to have the support that I was seeking at the beginning now I got amazing people in my life. My relation with my mother got really better, we over crossed our misunderstandings, my family and my best friends may the Lord keep you safe and always in my life.

I believe, that if the thing you want and aiming to have. If you see it in your mind you are going to hold it in your arms. So, I decided to give my mind that magically works its job and I shall focus on the life that I want to create for my self and my future. Bringing success and victory along to brighten my future and stand on the top of the world. Till then I will always be here waiting, feeding my desire on illusion when you exist only right here beside me. Can I call him? To tell him:

Be my sentence
Be my punishment
Be the sword to piece my heart

So to sum up:
"Give your heart what it desire, even if you found your self as a complete stranger, you don't have to be afraid of who you are or who you falling for, let the world be against you because at then you will taste the real love , fighting for it and looking inside you realizing how strong are your feelings. You'll beat everything and win. Then the world will be like a piece of cake in your hands, just believe!"

What I Believe in

2010-09-04T12:01:00.000-07:00

-"Believe" a word that strongly appears in every part in our lives, but we don't really understand the true meaning and the power of believing/ the confidence in truth of existence.

-"To believe" hard to admit , confusion may undertake your abilities and control your conscious. Before you begin in the journey of discovering your true beliefs, start with your self, within you only and your passion.

We are exposed to many factors that may weaken our strength of believing. And also can give us signals to change our thoughts. Only the strong stands out with his beliefs and achieve the imposable. Philosophers through the years reached the points of finding the true meaning of "Believe" in association with God. Spiritually! It have a huge effect on our paths!

They even made theories, but they never knew that it's not a theory, its existence beyond our imagination, beyond our thoughts and magic!!! Faith only can leads you through your path, strong faith can give you strength to survive with the struggles in life. Gives you the power you need only with believing in its existence.

Puzzled yet? the mind know how to clarify things but cannot give you the needs you desire, doesn't offer that! With the daily doses of discomfort and disappointments, we learn to adjust thus it's the nature of life. Only if you had that strong faith at then we can adapt, it's not only circled around faith but with faith you can start your road to endless happiness. Believing takes lots of faith in your God, yourself. Faith that it's a matter of time and work, then outcomes!

Like my previous post I said "Life is a voyage" so now you know what I meant. It's a path we draw to our selves only if we know how to do that! We can control how it goes but put fate on a side don't mix it up with your power "Faith".

Believe, it's another word we use to fool the person in front of us. We fool'em to make'em think that's the only true meaning of "believe"! But it's much higher than this, with no limitations, no lens can reflect it, no eyes can see it. With all our senses gathered can not give you a small piece of it; the strong faith you have the powerful it gets. Simple it's but hard to achieve its high levels.

Here some of the things that I truly believe, from the deepest part in my heart and from the mind that's magically work. But before that I say:

"To the creator of all, earth and sun, sky and universe. Humans, and animals, the creator of all I call you from beneath the shore, I tear and bow on my knees asking you give me more faith to believe in you, believe in your endless mercy, to believe there's only you who can help me, believe that to you I will return. To the day of my end I will keep the faith in me, till that day I will believe only in you. And thank you for your blessings that I can't even count. Tonight, I beg you my Lord! I beg you with everything precious I own, to give me strength and more faith to stand on my feet afterwards stronger and welling to survive, welling to do better in life and to heaven in beyond. Give me the strength that I desperately need, to face the sorrow and achieve the dream."

I believe....
-That everything we need is in front of us but God made us blind till he let us see.
-Every person got a hidden talent, he only can discover.
-Between earth and sky there's a limit.
-Love is needed to be able to survive, love the feeling of respect and appreciation.
-Dreams are made to give you a reason to be alive.
-nothing is impossible
-Everything does happen for a reason, and your job is to find that reason.
-Every man have a weakens but because there're too many he hides them.
-When a woman loves a man, she never forgets him even if she acted like she did.
-The power that no mankind can have only woman, her resistance.
-The long road always got an end. We just need to be patient.
-Endurance and persistence will always be rewarded eventually.
-To achieve your dreams, you must be confident in your self and believing in those dreams because they wont be reality without believing they will exist.
-All people have a dark side, they confess when it's time to change.
-There's friendship, friendship that based on caring, loving and standing by each others in good and bad times.
-The more you give "love" to others, the more you gain.
-Waiting doesn't solve your problems, go run and face them, fight for what you believe is right and true to you.
-When you chase your dreams don't hesitate, waiting for your ship to comes in is not a proper option.
-A good heart, will never die.
-Science is the answer for many issues. If only "we believe"!

For now those some of what I believe in, share yours and let people know what are your beliefs, inspire someone today, give an impact and tell your friends, family to do write down what they believe in, it will give them a time to think of their lives and set their priorities.

Quote of the day:
"When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable." -Walt Disney

A Voyage

2010-08-30T15:53:00.000-07:00

A moment can be wasted...
seconds, minutes, hours... a whole life time could be wasted?!

If I sat with myself, 5 minutes and then came up with nothing realizing I just
wasted 5 minutes thinking but without any outcomes yet!

Okay I wasted 5 minutes ... but how about a month ??
been thinking every night and yet no outcomes... That's what I call waste of time!

Thinking of something that is just an illusion of yours or just didn't even reach existence. Or being dramatic about something in your life and there's nothing you can do to fix it , is it you who being lazy to think of a solution or weeping about what's have been damaged?!

Alright! Moving on, a totally experienced person was compared to another who have none, despite that losing faith and lacking self confidence is a part of our character so I do put all my support to the other person who have no experience. Here he start as a passionate dreamer, welcoming experience from life and say yes to everything he faces. Therefore, he become on top. It's a simple philosophy I say I just wish I had no experiences to repeat my voyage all over again. Spin that coin and get ready to see the world from a new window. But I don't have that chance, I got another chance instead... To change!!

Here we go, our voyage starts through changing not through discovering with courage only we can succeed knowing that the world is full of dirt and lousy people how you gonna fix the corrupted minds and those who tends to destroy the beauty of earth.

Put in mind there's no good left yet there's always a light lies beneath all you have to do is reach it. It sounds easy, it's extremely difficult but not impossible!!

So I end this by saying:
" Life is like a journey, and we are the passengers, we face the good, the bad, weary, and joy. It's a matter of time and it ends in a blink."

P.S.
Today it's Malaysian independence day, wishing all Malaysians a very happy merdeka :)

Impact The World (part I)

2010-08-18T18:47:00.000-07:00

It's been such a while for be not blogging. Last couple of months were really full of events as soon as I finished my final exams (30 of June) I flew to Malaysia to spend my summer and invest my time to do something useful like:
-Learning German
-Driving classes

so I did learn few German words and it's really cool am looking forward to learn even more. Why I chose German?! I am planning to do master in Germany and as I know that medicine is great there so I thought to learn the language from now and prepare before I go.

Moving on! Did I mention it was sooooo busy month specially with finals and world cup!!! I barley have time to log in and then travelling took all of my time. From touring around, discovering and meeting up with me fellas. I did have a great time catching up!

I wont get into details about what I have been doing and all just want to share
something with everyone:

1st time for me doing such a thing and it was amazing thou it was last minute and I didn't know that I'll be talking on BBC news you can check it here in the following link starting from minute 28 (Tarneem) yup that's moi :D

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/console/p008ww1g

All I can say I hope my family, friends, my country proud of me as much as I am proud of myself. I just wish that my father be here to see how far I went and hope he is proud of me and it's just the beginning of my journey.

Embrace Life

2010-06-16T10:03:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or days are running like a speed of light?
Past seems so close like it was yesterday and future is right in front of you it's just your tied up. At the present you focus to free your self and run after that future.
Seems easy in words, but in reality it's hard as finding a needle in the ocean.
Here it comes life ... play its role and find every stone and throw it on your way
while you are running. Would you trip or survive it?
Determination is important, confidence is needed and definitely your faith. The stronger the faith the stronger you get and gain more strength to fight back no matter what it takes from you; your energy, pleasures, your loved once ...etc.
the well to survive must live in the depths of your heart at then your endurance and persistence will be rewarded afterwards.

"I am on my way to reach my dream, knowing that it will change my life but I don't put too much hope, it might turn back in a blink of an eye. Just keep the strength."

7:30 am - 12:00pm
I woke up and had good news they kept on coming one after another. I was over whelmed in a second I hesitated and realized it's a trick life is fooling me. Once it gives me the pleasures right after it hits me with a catastrophe. But I never back off!

I was happy but sad knowing it's a short period journey I wanted it to be a life time but like I thought it would be it didn't last. Still life forced me to smile and I am thankful. Once my father told me (may he rest in peace): "you'll believe in miracles if you look at the stars and make a wish, with time you will realize your living what you wished for only with persistence and endurance."

and I know for sure he was right. Now I believe in miracles deeply it does happens!

"Every time life offers me a lemonade I drink it with no hesitation. After all the lemonade it was not that sour. Actually life didn't know I prefer sour drinks!"

Seeking Heaven

2010-05-28T02:55:00.000-07:00

"Still around the corner there I may wait, a new road or a secret gate."
J.R.R. Tolkien

Been writing a lot about "Love" lately, maybe because I miss that stage of my life. But for now let's talk about something else.

Down to earth; waiting for your ship to come and pick you up...
two things you are going to be asked about:
1- What are you carrying with you?
2- What's your destination?

Now, are you really ready for the endless trip to beyond? Have you thought of all that yet?

That's the biggest problem, we are never ready! We sat down and "enjoyed our moments" without thinking not even a bit of tomorrow's destination. We hear others news ;that person left and that lovely lady followed them after, Oh and someone's father got on that ship and left his family behind. But we never imagined our selves going too! Because we are afraid, scared to think of it, like it will never happen to us.

I pity you who never work for their tomorrow's. You know why? Because just thinking a little bit of it will make you do great things in your life. It will give strength to follow your goals and reach your target after all. With respecting your ethics and keeping your manners, believing in God is the only truth.

Take a moment and plan what path you want to take, time is flying like a speed of light. It wont stop! Run after what you want today before the chance is lost, not mentioning work on your faith more because it maybe the only thing that it will give you power through your life and beyond.

you say simple things from the deepest part of your heart, but do others listen? Sometimes it's really hard to put things on words. Other times words can be easier than actions. Here I can say you don't have well-power!
As it's easy to gain self-power, but it will be when you know what's the target you are aiming for, what's your destination and what you really want to carry with you.

Fool the time do it fast, and you will be relieved. And waiting with passion; knowing that tomorrow is better and you'll be in a better place without greed and vanity. No fairness and injustice, nothing cruel and nothing is unreachable. No tragedies and wars nothing but all simple and neat with endless happiness all what a soul needs.

Now I may say a little prayer:
"Oh Allah I ask you for peace, faith in this world and in the hereafter, Oh Allah make me one who establishes prayers regularly and accept my invocation. Oh Allah forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. Oh Allah, show mercy on them as they have nourished me when I was young. O Allah With your name I die and I live." Amen

Oh It's Love Knocking My Door!

2010-04-28T07:55:00.000-07:00

We all have been through heart aches and everyone can keep talking about their failures in relationships.

Specifically got our hearts broken, but we never actually look at the bright side of all that mess that "love" only created for us. We never look at how tremendous it is!

The feeling of loving some one deeply. With no doubts nor denial. Love is perfectly living inside of us, towards a particular some one. Who owned that litter heart of ours, not just owning it but living inside of it. With the mind, it only think of our loved once.

Believing that they brought light in our lives and happiness to our souls.

Love only can offer you that!!

On the other hand, it's not an endless happiness nor an endless misery. All go through struggles just like other experiences of life. One of my personal quotes;

simply it goes as this:

"Love is a joke, once it gives us happiness and once it gives us pain! It will not satisfy your needs unless you go through the hurricane first."

So what am trying to say, stop being so miserable about your failure relationships. If you really loved some one you will have to accept that there's nothing you can do about it.

And if they decided to leave you, you shall respect their decision and don't be depressed about it because there's always some one will appreciate having you in their life and treat you the way you always wanted. To add, love you more than you ever imagined.

Have faith always keeps you on right path, believe that love didn't just give you heart aches or made you all sleepless but it gave you something special "the beautiful feeling of loving him/her"

is completely enough to appreciate everything love done for you.

Even if there were lots of pain, keep in mind that after all that pain there will come a time you will not feel any of it and the love you gave will come to you doubled.

Have a wonderful day filled with love <3

Learn To Be Winner

2010-04-21T03:29:00.000-07:00

Dynamic motion of life

life is passing through

and time running with speed

we don't even feel anything

stand and watch

therefore you learn!

It's impossible that you win every battle. But by failing we

can become winners. You can not expect winning comes a long without work or any efforts.

-To be a winner you must have believe in your self 1st

2nd believe that (you will get the thing you want)

after believing; hard working comes afterwards.

"Believing; is something associated with the heart and the mind. Therefore we can not live without!"

-Work hard!!

day and night, fightback don't close the eye if you it will make you

a step closer to your goal. Not just that! But sometimes we have to make sacrifices in order to succeed. Giving up on something is a choice we have to take if we are aiming for a goal.

For example:

Your Boyfriend or fiancé want you to give up on your job for marriage. Now it's your turn to make that tough decision. By deciding what your aiming for? What you really want?

Marriage or be more successful in your job?

So you have to gave up on the one that least wanted and go for your main goal!

-Later on you will realize that you really lost something but you gained another. Some how it was more than enough for you. Chances might be lost as well, but there's always something make it up for you. And fill the gaps in your life, all you have to do next is trust your decision.

-Patience: Is one of the elements that leads to winning a life battle. How this possible?

Well, as simple as this:

"Genius is eternal patience"

-Winning is not about working hard, believing, being patience and making the right decisions only! But there's one last thing you need to do to be a winner!

to accept the facts, accept life nature. Accepting failure itself is considered as an achievement.

Accepting that once you failed, you lost. But learn from those experiences and avoid doing same mistakes. If you did the same mistakes all over again: You are losing again!!!

-In the end; Winning is all about time! But you must be aware that we don't always win; that's a part of life. Once we win and others we fail! But it's important to know the correct way of living and adjusting through all of that.

Now follow those and trust me you are a winner!

To sum up:

"Winning comes after believing in yourself with excessive work and plenty of sacrifices. There's no harm with patience and acceptance the nature of life comes after."

Dwell in Reality

2010-04-07T13:10:00.000-07:00

"Some times it's hard to accept the truth, but then acceptance comes along."

Neem

Life is full of experiences, we start a new day and it could be a totally different from the previous day. Could be worst or better, but we never know what it will happen to us today or tomorrow!

Today, I was laying on bed thoughts are attacking my brain one after another with many questions need answers.

I had ambiguous days, and full of responsibilities. I feel lots of things on my shoulders, and I don't know with what to start!!!

But I thank God for my strength and willpower that helped me managing all of them and done my work right on time.

So, the pressure of exams, illness and trying to do my work at same time. Felt like I need to take a risk, I didn't really care about results as much as I worried about managing my time and be on top. Even if I had to push my self to the edge, I'll!

However, my studies is going very well and am very satisfied , even work I hope I don't screw up tho. I was so surprised when my classmates voted for me to be their representative at 1st I was happy to be but then I thought about it and yeah it will add more responsibility to my shoulders. Anyhow, yesterday had so many good news and things going pretty well with me I was extremely happy and confident that my day will end perfectly.

But I didn't expect that the next day would be the worst than I can even imagine! Well, true what they say, a day could be your best the second could be your worst! There're always possibilities to lean towards stressful situations.

Started my morning by watching a horrible car accident on the road, as a medic it hurts me that I could really save them. They were all dead just watching how life easily can end! It made me stop for a second and think of my life! And the image that I saw it wont go away, the moment when they covered their bodies was touching.

Afterwards I had a test, I could not think tho it was really easy but I just couldn't think and answer very well. I felt like today wont be my day!

My point of telling all this, not to tell you about my luck or my day; I want to say that life is very short you might not really think of it, but in a blink of an eye everything can be over and you might lose many things. Then, no chances remains, no moving backwards either. Let everything be as it's but don't lose your chances. Take risks and face your fears, don't regret anything while you know you are putting a smile on someone's face. That should be enough making your day better.

"We watch the sunset, thinking that time could be the answer. But once we fall in love with the sunset we are very sad!"

Neem

Majestically Believing

2010-03-31T22:50:00.000-07:00

Losing hope is easy

When your only friend is gone

And every time you look around

Well it all it all just seems to change.

Jack Johnson

When your life is about to change, we fear the change...

and it turns to obsession of "fearing the change".

One day could be on your side , the next might be against you. Would you feel down?

yes you probably will !! But you should not lose hope or get to disappointments.

Life is full of disappointments, it's just how you deal with them.

Moving forward, always look at the bright side of things, try to set your self free from boundaries it's okay to cross limits sometimes. Because it might gives you answers.

Even if the answers were not what you expected. Remember, not everything will always be like you want it to be.

But you can hope, believe in them. You will be surprised to see the power for believing appearing days by days. It's like astonishing magic.

Believe-ing is easy! You wont lose anything if you tried. But if you didn't you might lose "once in a life time chance" ; so keep on believing in what you really want. Never lose hope in them.

Sometimes, saying all this helps me to get better by time. It's really hard to apply my own words to my life. But I do, because I know that I am not losing anything. It's just life playing with us like toys. And see how we can survive the upcoming catastrophe, egoistical, illness...

Will it be easy like a piece of cake? Or difficult like solving a mystery?

I know that everything happen for a reason, but seems my reason is un-discovered yet! It's majestically confusing, I would like to solve the mystery. Because, it gave me heartache,

insomnia and believe it or not (weakness).

"When you get to the end of your robe; tie a knot and hang on"

I don't give up, but if it was my only choice I would give up. Sometimes it your solution for a new beginning. But be careful when you chose what you want. Right is wrong and wrong is so right, you will never know what's the answer if you don't dig in. not always digging in and look for answers a best solution. Not at all! It depend on you , how you can accept it and handle what's life offering you. If you want to achieve your objectives you have to be ready for the daily dose of of pain and discomfort. Be brave to face everything and write on your mirror (yes I can do it), so every morning and every time you look at your mirror you see it. It's one of my ways that I do to help me set my goals all straight and rise my spirit. Here it comes the rule of believing!

"When you start believing, you start owning the stars."

In ending,

"I've seen it all before beauty and splendour torn

It's when heaven turns to black and hell to white

Right so wrong and wrong so right!"

I don't seek, I find and when I do find I always win!! Simply:

"I believe!"

Confide In Him

2010-03-12T05:28:00.000-08:00

Still around the corner, where I set and wait...
Think and weep...
Till agony reach the core of my heart...
Thoughts controlling my mind...
One after another...
Breaking through and causing me a severe headache...
That's what I do when I am down to earth...

Meaning my life is not treating me well. Like last week was tense for me, When I knew my mother is having a serious illness. I had to break down but then I got those fears of losing her. But honestly I know she will be better and I believe God wont leave me alone. I have to pick up my self and be strong for her.

But in the middle of this chaos, I saw the light while I was standing in the dark. Truly it is hard to see, but it makes me believe even more.

I realized so many things while I am fragile. That am really not, I am strong like a rock. I face all my fears holding to my beliefs:

"The best thing about religion is that we never stop believing" -Neem

So, what I am trying to tell you all; that don't listen to your heart, believe in the magic of religion; you've to know that God is always looking after you. You are never alone. You must believe that everything happen for a reason, you'll know later why you had to lose, why you had to grieve, why you had to throw the dice and let go of the things you adore. Don't ask your self:

"Why this is happing to me? Why life is cruel to me?"

But ask your self:

"Which path should I follow?"

I know it's hard to make up your mind, standing in the middle trying to make a big decision on which way you should walk through; just bow down to the Lord and ask for enlightenments, and shall it be easy for you to decide.

Quote of the day:

"Make up your mind, before the time is lost. Remember tears is not your change; but actions are." -Neem

Life before her eyes

2010-03-04T02:10:00.000-08:00

Some times we don't know who is the person that appreciate having us in his/her life. We don't know who pray every night for us without we even know. While the people you call them friends or think they are your friends actually your biggest enemies. And they hate the guts of you. Actually they are jealous of your success and happy for your misery. Still you don't know!

Well, the important thing is YOU! How to treat people and how to grantee everyone love you, appreciate you and respect you fully. But get back again to the point when no one is perfect and not all people would love to see you happy or better than them.

I despite that! The problem is I know exactly each one of the people I know or my
"friends" what they really think of me. I know who's pretending to be my friend. Who want to be my friend to get to something they want. Who jealous of me!!!

My answer is simple: I DON'T CARE!!!
You know why?? Because I know am two step a head from them. Which makes them dream of delete me from life. Well that's funny some how! Because I know I am amazing and smart and bla bla bla....

Yes with an attitude and EGO!! That's my brand new attitude. Like it or not I don't give a damn. Because I just work for my future and my self only, not caring about others. Now, I set up my priorities and most important is me ONLY me ... Others "screw them".

Too much anger! Not really, it's just my new way of surviving life.

Quote of the day:
"Be smug, when you are the wise person among your groupies. And your own destination defines your achievement. Don't care about other people feelings it wont give you success."

14 February - Valentine day!

2010-02-25T00:32:00.000-08:00

"Love has no boundaries nor limits, Love your beloved once unconditionally not surely limiting it in one day." -Neem

It's Valentine day! And everything is red!!! People give this day more than it deserves, don't really understand why it should be that big deal!
And if I am spending it all alone it's so depressing...

That's not surely to be true. It just a day in a year been created to those who have no sanity to think that love is not limited! Could be??

Well people have different opinions according to different aspects, life style or even religions. I wont get into this from religion point of view. I want to prove my own point from being sane and in a very realistic way.

Made a small survey and asked people for their opinions, to tell me in their opinion about celebrating Valentine day. Was astonished, each have a totally different from one another, some got into debate which is good! Showing how controversial is the topic and many people actually they don't know the history of this day or even never thought of it, they just follow everyone else. I do not encourage anyone to celebrate this day. But it wont harm to send a card or something to your lover. Just don't make a big deal of it really!

William Shakasper, spend half of his life to figure out what's love is really about? and what's true love feels like?!
And now a days, we tend to just break hearts like chewing gums, and we don't even admit that love is a part of our lives. Although we still celebrate Valentine day! How ambivalence is that?!!

That's my own opinion.

>>>>Here's what they said about Valentine day<<<<
Yayöush Azu:
i dont like V day cuz honestly it tells u n shows u how lonely u r xD lol..seriously..not cuz i am single n i didnt have a V date or anything its just that i find it silly..why is it just ONE day to celebrate how much u love ur lover :S strange..n i dont get whoever made up V day was completely desperate -.-"

Rawan Morya:
i love simple things and love to show LOVE all the time so why don't show it at that day ? :) no big deal right :P !!

Dalia A. Dextrosed:
Celebrating it is fine I guess but to me it feels a bit cheesy. I really believe that it started out as a pick up line by some player who was lonely on International Shawerma Day and was trying to get laid,, he walked up to the drunk lady at the bar and said: "you know what day this is?" she replied: " no" he said:" its valentine's day.. the day we celebrate true love... lets make love baby". it only got popualr when guys found out that this line actually worked on girls. its a business. girls win, guys win, gift shops win. but sure its fine as long as I dnt get white teddy bears with an I love you heart and a balloon out of its ass :P

Rahaf Nabeel:
V day has a really interisting story i've heard it long ago..
it says in roma there was a saint (priest) called valentine and at his time soldiors were not allowed to get married and he secretly was helping them to get married and when they found out they murdered him at the 14th of feb and that's all about it
I don't believe in V day and never celebrated it :) I just say happy v day and thats all about it.

DeDo Scotch:
its just a silly romantic day, i have the whole year to show the one i love how much i truly love him, why just this day ??
i didnt celebrate it b4, but if my man wants to, its fine, wouldnt mind...

AmmoN A:
thats weird , no valentine fans .. hes just a good man
n dude its just like u celebrate ur birthday
dont u already know ur getting older by the day , why celebrate at that day only lol .. its the same concept u celebrate it because u believe in love
yes its just for one day .. coz other than that its not an occasion :S it doesnt mean u only love that person for one day!

Farsilla Khan:
errr nope. bcoz its just s2pid. y do u hve 2 celebrate it in JUST 1 specific day. if me, i will do it everyday hahaha. but i dnt give it a damn tho. valentine or no valentine. it's just da same like other days.

Jaskiret ✔ Singh:
Valentines day, a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards. Legend goes that in 1923, Mother Theresa was walking along an everglade when she stumbled upon an injured rock. Yes yes, a rock/stone. So being Mother Theresa, she took that rock back to her nursing home and became a caregiver to it until it recovered. During that time, she fell in love with the rock (not the wrestler) They started dating and were planning to get married in Hitler's mansion. The Nazi's found out about them, and KABOOSH!!!! They called it Valentines day...

Okay so anyway, i believe Valentines day is a huge conspiracy made by the government. You see the whole plan is to make a day in every year to help the country's economy rise just incase of a major plunge in stocks. So they called it "Valentines day". How does it help? You see when couples pledge their "love" to one another, the modern belief is that you must give an item to show your affection. So whether its a rose/card/beer/sardine can or just a Hello Kitty video game, the partners have to spend money in various stores and shops. And these shopkeepers have to maintain their stock by buying more from warehouses of which store excess materials. And these warehouse buy their materials from a bigger store, who buy from a larger outlet, and so on. In the end, those it all comes down to the government. So technically, any individual that purchases a gift from any store, is actually purchasing from the government, in other words, they are paying the government. This leads to the economy to increase, leading to more imports/exports within the nation and other countries. Which will eventually make them allies and have good relationship. And then, because of some disagreement, war will occur between 2 random countries, and these 2 countries will call upon their allies to aid them in the war. Eventually leading to World War 3, which will kill hundreds of millions of people, threatening the extinction of our planet. And finally, Kanye West will interrupt Taylor Swift.....again...

PS: Actually what i wanted to say was all taken by the people who commented before me, so i had to come up with some shit that hopefully made some sense...:p

Rua Sameer:
I don't think I need a day to express my love I have the whole year to do so :-P
but it's a good excuse to do more shopping XD

Neno T Anda:
راح اقتبس من كلام شخص احبو الي هوا الدكتور سلمان العوده
(لسنا بحاجة الى عيد الحب ~ إننا بحاجة إلى الحب نفسه)
الحب المفروض يمارس كل يوم مدار السنه مش يوم واحد اهدي فيه الشخص الي احب ورده ..
انا كدا اسميه طمع .. كانك ماتفتكرها الا دا اليوم

......

it's gets more interesting between Ammon A and Neno T Anda, they both have totally different ideas. While Ammon agree and added;(what i meant was that its just like mothers days, birthdays, new years..n all that crap
for all of these occasions to have a specific date does not mean they only exist at those dates , so saying that it should be celebrated through the whole year doesnt make sense.)
But Neno disagree completely and replied;(.. يعني الاحسن والاحلى اني احتفل معاها في اليوم الي اتزوجنا فيه او اليوم الي اتعرفنا فيه !!ماني ملزووم بدا اليوم الي هوا عيدالحب عشان اعبر عن مشاعري!!)

To sum up, most voted to not celebrate it, it's silly or waste of time! Although few who agree of celebrating Valentine day and think it gives more appreciation and caring to our lovers. As long as you follow your own ideas and believe in them that should be enough for me not following other man aspect or idea!

A thought:
"Looking back on all that we've shared and all that is yet to come, I realize that nothing life may offer me could make me happier than a future filled with loving you."

Shivers down my spine

2010-02-20T09:12:00.000-08:00

"Oh! How fears tied me up... I bend down to fall!"

It's really hard to live with your fears, you want to hold on and stay strong. I have fears of the unknown.

I am used to know everything, I just don't prefer to stay clueless. I always like to be aware of everything which it makes me on (top of the edge)

But deep down I grieve because I am really scared!

I know how awesome I am, and how strong person I am. We all have our weakness and I admit it how scared I am.

Scared to death maybe? I want to yell scream so loud just let it out, but same time I don't want anyone to hear me scream. Not weak not fragile

Just afraid from what the future is hiding for me.

On the other hand, been hush to some people lately, I don't mean to be hard on some one or judge people. I am a human who have feelings, I can get angry sometimes, and talk crap!

It's kind of normal. What if I am always happy and never get mad not even once! That's so not cool. We

have to sense all that in some point of our lives... from achievements,disappointments, rejections, etc.

Speaking of disappointments, I got binned again. And I keep forgiving again! And coming back, and everyone thought I am stupid to do so. But

you know why I did that? Because I have strong feelings am not heartless person. Yes I always get disappointed and in the end I am the one who

get hurt, but at least I sleep at night grieving on (how cruel is the world to me?!) not (how asshole I became?!).

I don't think my heart will ever heal, but I know I will be just fine. For the first time I will say this:

Honestly I do have regrets. I knew that this past week repeating history, I do regret it. I wish if I could just go back

in time and undo what I have done. It's not worth it at all. He did fail me and broke my shell again!

So, I learned:

"give second chance, third maybe wont harm, but a 1000 chance, is useless! it's saying: (I will never change!)in polite way"

I think loudly!

2010-02-11T16:29:00.000-08:00

How often we remember those who left?

How often we sat down with our selves and admonishes

ourselves?

How often we cry on our mistakes? Or laugh from the heart?

How often we pray to God? And thank him for everything?

How often we say the truth? And is it greater than our lies?

Do we really give attention to important things anymore?!

Those questions been in my head lately. I really want to know

,do people do that more often or they're just lost in pleasures.

I came to think that life is about to end, because people are not redeemer anymore, not

with themselves, not with others. Tends to fake things, to lie, to put those masks and walk around it.

Sometimes, I feel like I am a stranger in this world. Who was passing by and got trapped.

Surrounded with non senses. My brain doesn't stop for a second, everything gave me a massive headache.

Wish if I can take a pill that stop it for some time. I need to lay down and close my eyes with no fears. But everytime I do close those eyes of mine,

I fear...

I am scared to this never ends...

thoughts have no limits, they keep coming and weakening me.

I came to a point that I am very exhausted, I want a fast reliever.

All that above was yesterday!

Today, I know I own the world...

Because I am alert, I keep silence when everyone is talking, I know everything. I read everyone like an open book. Easy as chewing gums. But there's one thing that make me all confused and have no idea what to say about it, I stand there in front of it completely clueless. One day I want to solve this mistery.

So I learned:

"It's close to impossible to have two things at one time, that's what makes life is even more harder." -Neem

I Might Think When I Might Sin

2010-01-24T23:54:00.000-08:00

New day, of a new year ... starting all over seems a really good plan!

To be able to start over; you've to set your goals, things you want to change, and get rid of your past.

But I don't think this is the way it should be, you don't have to undo your past. Because I believe what we had in the past whatever it is, it defined us , it tells our stories and how strong we became.

You can see the beauty of life when you achive your goals and look at that window where is light and hope; for tomorrow to be better.

Start with your self, deep inside what your really want? Work hard to get it, even if it took all of your life. Your mistakes , learn from them.

The more mistakes you've made, the more you learn and the more you learn the more you become wise:

" It's not a shame to be a sinner, but it's such a shame to make a sin your regular habit."

-Neem

A very sad story of us, "the humans". We live for our sins, we gain pleasure and impermanent happiness. While we know the key of true happiness. Seems it's close and near by but we don't want to reach the path where everything ends tragically.

-Quote of the day:

"I think therefore I exist" -Rene Descartes

New Year = New Chapter

2010-01-01T07:29:00.000-08:00

The mid-night bell rang last night...

Let it signify new and better things for us...

Let it signify a realization of all things we wish for...

Let it signify a year of courage and believes...

Wishing you all very prosperous 2010 =)

-My resolutions:

1- Focus on my studies

2- Take a course in professional photography.

3- Spend more time with those who matter to me.

4- Ignore people who always finds a way to screw up my mood.

5- People who were loved by me last year and didn't deserve it, wont have a place in my new page this year and never. They'll be just a sketch.

6- Be successful and get more knowledge.

7- Get my car license.

8- Take more lessons for violin.

9- Stay sober.

10- keep myself busy being fabulous in all forms.

-Quote of the day:

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. " Robert Frost

Look, Listen and Feel

2009-12-16T04:54:00.000-08:00

I was studying for my CPR exam, how to do CPR correctly you must follow these:

-Look, at the chest of the patient if there's a rise of his chest while breathing or not.

-Listen, put your ear on the mouth of the patient, to hear if he's breathing or not.

-Feel, the air in you ears.

It took me a while, to comparing it with my daily life experiences. But eventually it turned to me

I actually apply them very well! According to my friends, but I don't know if I am a good listener

or so on.

Your friends only can tell who you are, tell what are you made of. I believe occasionally friends who made you the way you are.

At some points I doubt that, we develop our personalities according to our needs, interests

and friends we chose them carefully. I pick my fri

ends like I pick my flowers that's why we all get a long and mostly understand each others very well.

However, based on the title ... as a medic I have to apply them perfectly.

It can come in various of forms, if we all apply them well, many things in our lives will be amazingly easy for us. Not just that, but we will be able to understand, control our selves too.

If we know how to listen , we'll reach the high level of communication which leads to understing one another.

That's how things works. But unlikely, we don't listen!

We don't give a chance to others to give us their opinions, respect them and see if it's reasonable so can learn from them.

Like once I've read in abook called (A New Earth), the author said something amazingly true:

"They are (humans) addicted to anger just like others to drugs"

On the other hand, humans their nature is to love watching the fire grows. Instead of looking for water! I wont say I am an angel, actually I am one of those people who get angry fast.

So I decided to read books about anger management and try to be calm more often.

Thou my anger isn't that serious, but Oh Lord there are people in my life need to have a serious sessions for anger management. Make me feel pity for them, because they see everything from one side only. But if we thought about it, it's totally none offensive nor hurtful. Just because they're developing a grumpy anger personality, so my decision was to stay away!

"Those who try's to push you to the line of anger, push them back to the silent state."

In summary, Look carefuly with wide open eyes, listen with totally open ears, feel the energy between the spaces. Then you'll understand why the world is made up this way.

Have a good day :)

Simple things can make me happy

The Thing That Cannot Be Seen

2009-11-27T05:31:00.000-08:00

Each day we face something different

We fight back and sometimes we gave up

A day can be good or a bad one

We are under fate control

Nothing can be predicted

We just live it day by day

Sometimes it’s hard to understand what’s happening around us

But we try to get a long with it

And see if we have a chance to be in a safe place

With happiness and peace

Unfortunately, we are weak,

so fragile just like tea cups,

in this world that made of grantee.

There are so many unseen things

But touchable

We are afraid to touch them, but not afraid to see

Thou sometimes the things we see are dramatically terrifying

and ugly

Senses are made to be used equally

If we lack the sense of feelings

We lost something amazingly beautiful.

-Quote of the day:

“The thing that is important is the thing that is not seen”

I hope you get what I mean. Have a good day :)

It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind!

2009-11-23T04:00:00.000-08:00

Intentionally days passing very fast, News is not very good lately can't really expect what's next, true what they say:

"Expect the impossible."

Now a days things been changing, like a virus changing itself to adjust in human body.

People started to wear masks either they are afraid to show their real face, or they are hiding behind that mask for reasons.

Quote of the day:

"God has given you one face, and you make yourself another."

-William Shakespeare

I don't really understand why people can't just be their selves!

Never lie, never pretend, now I really know why acting is one of the most popular careers and well paid! we are good at it! No wonder.

On the other hand, things been changing to worst, but the question is, what we have to do? stay in this bubble and never care. Well, not surely! To me everyday I learn something, simple or difficult, it doesn't really make a different.

But how I apply it next is more important. So last few weeks were quite tense for me.

But how I beat it, by giving chances, be patient and listen.

I got disappointed! Not really, I am quite proud that I am moving on very fast in whatever I face. that's what I have learned lately, to adjust fast and move forwards not stop for a second, why?

Because time is short, make the best of it.

Finally, I looked up to the sky and prayed to the Lord to hear my voice:

"Oh God, you gave me so many things and I thank you for them. God, you know what's in my heart, please hear my prayers and am humble to ask you to make them true. Hope is all I've got and what's keep me strong. All my faith and believe in you, hear my prayers late at night and stop those tears that fall all night long. May I see the light of your sympathy on me. Amen"

Song of the day:

Just say yes - Snow Patrol

(click on the picture to listen to the song.)

Have a good day :)

He Loves Me , He Loves Me Not?

2009-11-08T20:08:00.000-08:00

"Some times we let go those who we love, because this love is cutting your soul to pieces." Neem

We all go through a failed love story, could be from one side,

or both sides or even best friends turns to lovers!

We never know when we will truly fall in love or who?!

we can't control our hearts. It's just happened for some reasons.

Either a part of a life experince or just fate.

It starts a beautiful love story, like the one we read about and see in movies, but it end dramatically with broken hearts and grieving souls.

We never understand why it happens to us.
We cry for ages but it never heals.

It leaves a scar in our little hearts, specially when you love with all your senses but he/she let you down and breaks you to half.

Then you keep hoping it will get fixed , praying he/she will get back to you.

But no they just ignore you like you never exist. and lie to you on and on ...

They think it's easy to love, honestly and with passion but your hope never ends.

I am going through this for a year now. I fall in love suddenly, it made me happy for a while because love taste different and a very beautiful feeling but it broke my inner.
I wont get into details but I decided not to stop here, and I wont live on a lie, I am very strong, I got potential and he just lost me! I let him go by myself because I am sick of holding on him while he just not here.

Like I said before let go the one you love, when this love hurts your soul. Later, you'll find out that you are greater than being in this hurtful situation. I did let him go, why? Because waiting never heals waiting burned my soul. The only way to move on is step on your heart and move forward.

June 2009 I got sick badly and had disturbance in blood pressure because of the stress am in, because of him,when I heard that he was arrested I slept in the hospital, when he hurts my feelings I also slept in the hospital. Just because of him! Does he really care? No!

My best friend Oshe know everything and he always beside me when these things happens, he said once to me:

"You don't deserve some one like him and doing all this to you."

He was right, it took me too long to realize that, if he really wanted me he know

the right way he's mature smart guy. That's why I deleted him from my life.

I know nothing will happen between us and am the one who is suffering.

In the end, no matter what, loving him was a reality, but being with him was just a fancy that had to end. >>>So an advice, when you feel that he/she is not giving you what you deserve from love close the door in their face and open it for others who will treasure you.

p.s. click on the picture to listen to the song :)

A Friend Or A Stranger?

2009-11-04T23:01:00.000-08:00

I started to doubt everything in my life
I don’t know what to believe anymore
Or what to follow
Even I doubt myself
Am I right or wrong?
I doubt my love to him
Is it a fancy or a stage of emptiness?
I doubt my friends who I can’t read their minds
Are they loyal? Or they’re just friends with name!
I feel like am in small box closed on me
I only can see the light from that small hole
But have no clue what’s going on around me
Because am not allowed!
Maybe because I understand and I should not understand more
Or maybe because am too caring and others get annoyed
But what really hurts when others need you, they turn to you
And you never hesitate to help
But when you need them you don’t find any!
Well, that’s an old theory we all know.
But it makes even harder to believe
That all that caring you don’t get any of it back!
But actually you found out that you’re just used
Like a toilet paper when needed is used and then
Thrown in the trash.
Sweet! Isn’t it?
That’s exactly what I am feeling right now.
So, I learned:
Stick to the people who tell you, you suck in your face...
Stick to the people who punish you for doing something wrong…
Stick to the people who always call to check if you still alive…
Stick to those who always let you screw their new shirt from your tears.
But never care for those who don’t know your father name, your age or don’t even remember
To call you back but you seems that you always call them back.

A quote:
“Friendship... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything." -Muhammad Ali

That’s what I've learned this week. Hope you find it useful. :)

p.s. click on the picture to listen to the song

A Tear Has A Story Hear Me Out!

2009-10-29T05:15:00.000-07:00

“Sometimes simple things touch hearts and change lives. A tear can be erased but an injury will always leave a scar” -Neem

We never know what is waiting for us, we get upset about things that it’s silly to others but it matter to us and everything doesn’t matter. We think that we are the only ones who are suffering and everyone else is happy and enjoying life. But let me say this:

This is a narrow minded would think!!!

Well, when you get upset from not getting what you want, for not reaching your shelf, it’s not the end of the world, pick up the pieces and stand up again. Find something else to run after don’t just stand in your place grieving about the past and worrying about the future that won’t get you anywhere.

Anyway, today I had to finish preparing my presentation about Cambodia Genocide; I felt that life is not that great to others, no matter how much I suffered or thought I did, it won’t be even a small part of their suffering. How often we remember that? None!!

Well too bad that you’re human! If keeping your self inside a box and not even trying to discover and learn how you will appreciate your life? You won’t, you will keep complaining, getting all grumpy or got upset from breaking up with your soul mate, which is superficial and silly.

I am not saying to not be sad at all! It’s your right but be reasonable, be enlighten and be more mature and think widely. Give your self a chance to read about other people suffering /tragedies it will give you a great strength to understand that your life is just perfect. And you will appreciate everything you have.

Unlikely, not many people know about the Genocide in Cambodia or even Rwanda. It’s very dramatic but as humans now and youth our duty to tell people about it, let us help develop those countries, let our voices to be heard, lets make a difference and a change.

We can! But do we want to?? Or we are just busy in our lives. It’s ok to be busy but give some times to draw a smile on others faces it will make you feel really good. Imagine your making the world a better place? Don’t hesitate do it today.

In any possible way think that’s what the brain is for :)

Quick thought:
“You are lucky, give time to think of others who are not.”

A reference: Genocide in Cambodia and Rwanda: New Perspectives

Finding Nemo

2009-10-21T10:45:00.000-07:00

For the past 2 weeks, lots were wondering where I’ve been? And what I’ve been doing?
Well! I started going to BMC and to be honest I am loving it, I am thankful too! :

“Oh I feel goooooood” >>>> click on the picture :)

Okay well I feel happy because I am lucky, blessed and have taken the chance that was offered to me and I didn’t regret it. Like I always say:

”take your chance once you have it, you never know what it will give you in return.”

Another thing thought before that love took everything from me, my life, character, my own heart…etc.

But to confirm:

"Now I feel great! I am back”

Actually Nemo wasn’t lost, she was in love with the wrong guy and she know now that it's not what she deserve so she just took a break from the world to find, discover and learn to understand. Here I am now; all good and things are on my side “inshallah always”.

Plus, my twin sister and mom noticed the massive change in me. I am glowing, eating like never did, I even noticed that my self I actually gained 4 kilos and I am happy that am changing for the better. I am just relieved, you know why?

“Because found out I never lose, I am on a mission to win! And I’ll win it.”

Quote of the day:

“Learn to win!”

P.S.
Hope you find the lesson useful.

Have a good days =)

Rode Away!

2009-10-15T10:44:00.000-07:00

"What love has done to me?
it binds my heart, no joke!"

How empty my core is?
drown in angst, don't know how to stand up again. A knife is rupturing my heart.
Oh can't find the way back, just standing in the middle of no where!
that's exactly how I feel now.

On the other hand, my 1st week in BMC was just great. It's the
only thing that's better in my life. It keeps me busy and I am loving it. I can see everything is getting better including my relation with mom and my family. But there's something missing!!!
of all happiness I am in, all joy that my heart felt...
I feel hollow!
Mom told me just last Monday that some one asked for my hand, imagine how I feel now! Got all clueless, for now I just want to disappear and just stay alone for a while.
I am scared ...
no no I am serious am really scared and deeply sad as hell just wished he was the one I loved.
Just now I knew that I lost him forever.
but...

"how much my heart hurts when I remember you, is because I love everything about you. My soul will always be yours and I shall feel nothing and feel no love without you anywhere near."

Thoughts of the day:

"Close the door and don't let anyone in, you might regret it later!"
"nothing matters to me now, and one thing will have my full attention... becoming a doctor!"

A prayer:

"O God! Suffer me to live as long as life is better for me; and cause me to die when death is better for me."

A message:

"I am sorry for being away from everyone and not picking up my phone, I just need to be alone and hope you understand."

Everybody Loves Nemo

2009-10-06T21:17:00.000-07:00

Well that's what my friends call me (Nemo), thou sometimes I don't get it why they do call me that lol

it's funny actually they call me Nemo "the fish hello! finding Nemo!!" because am most of the time lost/feeling Lost!!!

For example:

Walking in the college or in physiology class, (my brain: blank ?!!)

Real Mayer (soso): Nemo *poke* Nemoooo *tickles*

Nemo: HAAAA! where am I ??

Real Mayer: O.o

hahaha it's not like what it sounds :P

Sometimes it's over the limit specially into making decisions, it's quite hard for me I feel lost completely, it takes long time to make my mind.

Not weak, not afraid, just being careful.

Anyway, that's totally went out of the main subject, the title of the post (Everyboday loves Nemo), well being lonely effected me lately....

I feel lonely a lot, thou I am very social person, in college everyone know me, even if they aren't my class mates, teachers even they don't teach me, still everyone must say good morning Tar/Nemo, thou am surrounded by many people around me who they care about me a lot.

But sometimes I feel that there's something missing deep down I know what is it but I don't want to say it out loud so no one can hear me!

I just feel safe like that.

I get emotional sometimes that I can not hold my self, I peretend I am strong, rarely cry. But at night I let it out to myself, at moments like these sometimes

we need a shoulder to cry on, and some one to hold on to. And most important some one to understand, never judge.

So, I went to my mother she try to understand me but nop she doesn't get me a lot. But she said to me something that really touched my heart and

felt that I matter. She said:

"You are just like your father, smart, warm hearted and caring. That's why everybody loves you! You can't stand to see a tear on someone cheek. But now it's your time to let the world see your tears and be there for you. We love you and you'll always remain the most lovable among us all."

My words were lost for days. But thought of it many times, here what I came up with:

" You may never notice how much people care and love you, but always remember the love you give to the world is going right back to you somehow!"

The whole world can fits in my heart! My brain is wider than the sky, thou I understand!

that's simply me.

and Nemo loves everybody =) have a good day!

Simple things can really make me happy!

What's the buzz? part I

2009-10-03T13:22:00.000-07:00

(Swine Flu freak out!)

Okay I am really hating this. I'll look into this topic from a very realistic point of view, medical and as one of the normal people who really scared!!

Wtf!!! I got mails everyday bullshiting about swine flu, family gathering the new hot topic is about swine flu and here

they go fight about their opinions.

And did I mention the ministry of health is even bullshiting!

Plus don't forget the rumors and the daily headlines about

schools should be delayed, delayed or not delayed!!!

Swine flu is Epidemic and should be contained but they're

just making a big deal of it while it's not,

In the west everyone is going to school, work and NOTHING is wrong!

The case is really simple but we got ignorant people, actually 86%

of the Saudi and Arabs population are ignorants that's a fact!

According to their actions towards Swine flu and other topics which

is not a matter now.

So, speaking of populations. Why we are the only once, sorry let's correct this...

why only the middle east going to have the vaccine anytime sooner!

While in the west countries got no idea yet! actually research is

in progress but they didn't came up with NOTHING yet.

People there's no vaccine yet!

only we got this news while the whole world don't, that doesn't make sense.

For me am a person who read the news from BBC daily and watch CNN everyday.

Not a headline until now says : " There's a Swine Flu vaccine"!!!

Ummm that makes me wonder?!

Okay here is what I came up to very very simple equation:

"the Swine Flu equation":

( MOH "middle east" ) = Swine Flu vaccine ---> population number = population payments =(population number X vaccine price)

example:

(MOH "SA" ) = Swine Flu vaccine ---> population number (28,686,633) = #@%^&!

Now! imagine that in your head, so the money got back to the MOH.

- In summary:

they are just using people fears and they are making it even worse

by these stupid emails so they can get more money, come on!

it is a chance and a chance comes once in a life time! (SCAM) so simple!

enough about being realistic! let's get in the topic medically:

H1N1 swine flu virus is like any other flu, mostly same symptoms but it

gets higher if we left just like common cold. basicly if we got fever, running nose badly.

If we left it without any treatment or even take vitamins the fever will get worse.

Same as Swine Flu, once you got the symptoms run to the doctor he

will treat it as another Flu and few days you are fully recovered.

Okay why all this buzz?

why all this fears and scary stupid mails?!

Come on you guys we got serious diseases more than this

and we are not even paying attention to them. All we need

to do just be careful, make sure you carry antiseptic in your

handbag and if you have cough or some one coughed tell them

to have a tissue on their mouth while they cough

totally not classy! and this is how we get infected.

On the other hand, don't get your hopes high about the vaccine (None)

only research is been doing, and go to school for God sakes, your brains

wont find it interesting to study since we got this long vacation! work

people work on your brains make it wealthy! don't be limited get this idea off "being ignorant" and be enlightened that will make us on top.

That's what I wanted to get out of my chest.

The Biggest Lost!

2009-09-21T00:55:00.000-07:00

"Feeling of emptiness filling my soul , chased by the memories not knowing where to go. But I know for sure that I've missed you so!" -Neem

Sometimes the sorrow get me under , remembering the day of my biggest lost.

The day you passed away...you bleed to death...Oh I still blame myself for... I will never forget...!

A memory:

Once when I was standing on the Albs mountains in Swiss...

I said: dad is it hard to be on top ?

he replied: everything is hard only you can make it easy with hope but you would not know without trying!...And since then, whatever I want I try my best to get and take all my chances before time is up!

A Message:
To my beloved father
Since you left, I felt all alone in this horrible world. I was too young but I had to grow up fast.I just missed you so much...I miss the stories you use to tell me.
You are my angel, that I truely trusser and not being able to see you, is like not being able to see in the light. Not even able to talk, hear. Living with no senses... that's how it feels!
I know tears wont bring you back, I know that was just fate, I know ...
But I am drowning here because I didn't have a chance to tell you how much I love you,
I didn't say Goodbye!

Dad I just wish if you were here, I wish if you just here so I can stand by you where I find hope and faith. You gave me all that, you made me the strong girl I am today, you were special and unique. I still hear your voice, I remeber the day you had to leave like if it was yesterday!

I will never let you down... I promise!
Rest in peace.

I learned:
To never give up, no matter how much you lost and who you lost.
Thier time was ended and soon will be ours, so make the good out of it.
Take your chances and live for your dreams.Life is never hard only us make it difficult to go through, be what you want to be, give it a try because it's never too late unless your time is up!

A song:
(click on the picture to listen to the song)

Have a wonderful day :)

What's Up Smug?

2009-09-12T12:37:00.000-07:00

"I am not here to judge any group of people and it's not my right either! but to state my opinion and correct others..."

I could just set here and keep writing about all things I like, ice hockey or
soccer or what's new on fashion but it's useless, I like those things so I just
keep them to my self, I don't have to tell the whole world about it as long as
I only enjoy it. That's just my concept!

for example, Metal heads in my home town, their attitude is not acceptable
they don't respect the country rules they made them selves look and defined
as "outsiders", broke the law, and enjoyed the chaos they made.

They don't think before making their actions, most of them playing in a band
aiming to get hooked with girls.
That's their idea of a Metal heads should be??

Somehow, it reminded me of Saliva song, it's an interesting song actually
going in the depths of those minds of men who live under their desires,
maybe it's not?!
that's just a way of living I guess! they like it this way make them feel like
kings of their own world. Nice very nice!
(click on the picture to listen to the song)

Well, that's not necessary!! You love Metal music, enjoy playing drums or guitar
or being a a vocalist in a band.

Do it for yourself not to impress others because it looks shallow and stupid.
Paris Hilton came to my mind, left her brain somewhere she cant reach, but she
keeps doing anything to grab people attention and what's up with the attitude!!!
"Oh! Look at me am cool (winks)" That's so stupid!

What's wrong with people now a days, they just use the things they like and
adore for impressing others or just to get their ego stroked and did I mention
it make you lose this admiration for the thing you like??!!!
sadly yes it does, it wont have the same taste, you will just do it for others and
you will try your best to do perfectly so others like it!

Umm... what's the point then you call it "something I like" WRONG!!!!

Moving forwards, lately somehow everyone starting this new hobby "Photography"....
leave the band on a side and buy a new cam start shooting random things
and all girls "stupid girls" will follow you, I mean will kiss your ass!

Yeah that's what most of guys are doing in the kingdom of all morals and aspects!
Guys are hunting down the stupid girls, simply it make them feel good about
them selves, Oh well what's new??!
Stupid girls don't know the difference between what's nice? or what's not,
it's like they've been taught in school to talk all sweet and laugh like Paris Hilton
"Me likey!!! *move the eyelash*"

That's annoying to feel that your are the only person who is trying to be wise
around posers and barbie dolls, it's like setting with an Alien who doesn't
understand humans actions "p.s. I am the Alien"

Hahaha am just pissed >>> why people don't focus on something useful instead
of working on getting others attention? I've noticed the different between guys
in Saudi Arabia "Jeddah" and Malaysia" Subang Jaya"

Guys in Malaysia working their ass off to get A-levels and all of them are such
a nerds! not mentioning they are active in their community, do charity work,
like Run for (Terry Fox), (Earth Hour) and (Hear Us Out II), and
(UNICEF Malaysia activities) which I really admired!

Move to another place "Jeddah"...
guys are busy getting a chick attention and after they do, move to another dump
ass chick to get her into his pants!!!
was it hash to say that?!! No it happens and I know so, sorry but truth hurts.

I am not blaming only guys! but also girls they allow that to happen because simply they are stupid,
the one thing that is common between Malaysia and Saudi Arabia
Youth that there are a lot of stupid chicks "the Paris Hilton type". So I pray now:

"Thank you Lord, for giving me this experiences and taught me a lot from them. Thank you for giving me a brain and use it correctly. And thank you again for all the blessing you gave me and I am fully accepting it all and obeying you for the rest of my life."

Finally:

BBWI the concept of mine I always follow:

Be you... Be original not plastic... Work for tomorrow not for others... Impress your self by your achievements.

So, then people will love the way you appreciate your self and God.

P.S. this post is not for specific people, it's in general from what my eyes sees and my ears hears only!

Have a good day :)

Spoken Words To Inspire You

2009-09-08T18:10:00.000-07:00

Well I'm Wise Enough To Understand Life!

2009-08-29T22:37:00.000-07:00

Life is just hard to understand, one day everything is going as you want it and the next day is totally a mess!

But through all these days, we learn something new about our selves, about life about everything around us.

Otherwise you will be impressed when you realize how strong were you facing all this by your self. It's true what they say:

"When you laugh, everyone laughs with you but when you cry, you cry alone."

So from having a hard week, I found out that no one worth your tears, you cry for those who don't know you are exist, you keep starving your self and not sleep enough for those who have ignored you, and you keep locking your self in this box for those who made you cry and never cared!

Neem's quote of the day:
"I feel special ; when I make you smile therefor you make my day..."

Alert!
beyond my expectations:

-scored well in IELTS
-beaten insomnia
-eating like a pig
-Liverpool won against Bolton >>> (click here)

On the other side of my brain:
with a new attitude...

" Am sarcastic and have a smartass attitude! and I don't give a fuck if you are offended!"

I was laying on bed, thinking of tomorrow how it can be different time is passing very fast; things keep on changing just like a blink of an eye!!

I believe, that chances comes once; I go by them I do what my minds telling me and follow my heart, not afraid from the result of my actions or even consequences!

It's a life experience and if you don't take your chances , they are gone!
Do what your mind tells now! tomorrow is not grantee...

Be not afraid from tomorrow, not afraid from what's life hiding for you don't be stressed
it's just wont get you anywhere!

I am so gonna ask someone out this week hehe which is unusual for a girl it's like I've been waiting for 3 months :(
But I sick of waiting; anyway I will take my chances even if I was rejected am not gonna lose anything from trying, right? I hope so :S

Lastly:
Live your day if it was your last and don't forget to smile!

A song:
Nothing beats Frank S. ; for me it's a way to fix my mood. (to listen to the song click on the picture)
P.S. check the song cover by Seether.

A girl that everybody deeply loved her!

2009-08-25T00:13:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there were....Ugh! sounds retard out of sudden :S
sorry I'll start over :D

Here's the story of a girl that everybody loved her and wanted to marry her:

There was a young boy, came in to his father and told him the thing that kept him awake all night for days...
Father: What's wrong son?
Son: Dad, honestly I am in love with this girl and I want to marry her.
Father: that's good news son, it's my pleasure to go to her parents and ask for hand, but first let me see her and see her family.
Son: (with happy tone) Of course Dad

The father and his son went to see the girl, but the father was enchanted by her beauty and fall for her.

Father: Son this girl is not in your level, she deserves someone elder and wiser with experiences who can take care of her.
Son: (shocked) Dad no I will marry her no matter what! not you?!!!
Father: on my dead body

The father and his son went to the court to solve this problem that happen between them because of the girl. Therefor, the Judge asked to see the girl. So it's and he was also charmed and fall for her too!!

Now 3 men want to marry this girl badly???!!! The father and his son, plus the judge?? all went to the Minister to solve the problem, thou the Minister asked them to bring the girl that blow their minds?? same thing he was completely charmed by her!

Now 4 men are dying to marry her all fighting for one girl!! So they all went to the Prince.

The Prince was surprised!
The Prince: I'll solve the problem for all of you, but why one girl? while I can bring many beautiful girls for all of you why her? what's so special about this girl?

Then he asked to see her to answer all these questions and wonders. So it is!!

The Prince: Oh my Lord! I've not seen such a beautiful lady like you! She deserve to marry a prince not any of you useless men!

They all started to argue and fight...

But the lady has something to say after all,
The Girl: I've the a solution, I run and all of you run after me and the one who catches me first he will marry me.

They agreed!

So she ran, and they ran after her but out of sudden... The 5 men fall in a very big hole that no one can get out of it... too bad ha?!! Then the girl looked at them and said:

"So now do you know who am I ? I am the life!!!
I am the life, that everyone running after and fight to get it...
I kept all of you busy to get me,
and kept you away from your creature, your religion too!
Until all of you "humans" fall into your graves, but you'll never win me."

-The end

P.S. Hope you liked this short story and you find something to learn from. Have a good day :)

From My Little Black Book ( 8 august - 14 august)

2009-08-14T19:34:00.000-07:00

8 August,Sat:

I didn't really sleep last night, stressed out and
too much on mind so instead
I grabbed a book (The Canterbury Tales)
and start reading until I saw the sun
light sneaking through my window.
The book was irresistible but I had to stop and
get ready for my IELTS exam, it went very well but
I was so exhausted as when I came back
home I slept all the day.

9 August,Sun:

got really sick from the situation am in getting mix signals
from particular guy but I just don't understand him!
I like some one to be clear with me and tell me everything
in my face but it was just awkward, one thing I really hate
about my self I am very patience but one day I just explode
I get really annoyed from waiting so long like I can hold on
and you'll find me quite and okay but out of sudden I just
become emotional and explode fast , bad mood I don't know
I felt all weird and I was a bit stressed from the
interview it should be the next day.

10 August,Mon:

did not really sleep well again! my mind can't just stop
for sec for God's sake!
the interview was canceled because the interviewer didn't show up
and that really pissed me off! I really like people to respect the dates
and come on time.
Not mentioning didn't have a good sleep and
it was like 4 hours only and woke up many times which
it caused me a headache.
Last thing that I needed is for the interview to get canceled!
In order to that my plans to travel was screwed too.
Well I guess it was not my lucky day besides we all go through such a thing.
But at the end of the day it was the worst, I fed up from everything in my life
I don't know why the sudden emoness!
(like I said it was not my lucky day)...
then had an argument with mom while we were talking
I just had a break down and couldn't hold my self I didn't cry!
I was weeping out loud my body started shaking, my sister heard my voice
and ran to the room and found me breaking down while mom was trying to calm me down.
I kept talking non senses too which made me felt weak after, I kept saying (everyone left am all alone!)
not mention it's been so long since I cried in front of my family
maybe years!
I was pretending am fine and strong and handling things on my own.
But apparently I wasn't.
Let me repeat again: (being all quite and clam once and at the end I just explode)
I really hate that about my self!!
But I realized at the end I should not keep doing that to my self
am a human being have feelings and not always fight back,
there are times we need to let go and let it out too!
I am glad to have my mother and my sister around, they just keep me holding on!

11 August,Tues:

was planning to go to Lama's house for a movie night and photo session,
it didn't work because I was sick after the breakdown and
troubles with my BP.
The day went fine by taking sleeping pills and slept all day,
woke up found no one in the house. Oh and from boredom I went to the saloon
and cut my hair short!

12 August,Wed:

I've not slept that long lately which made me in a really good mood,
woke up and had this thought on mind: 'I'll get my luck back!"
it was really good day, felt like God made me go through
this for some reasons I don't know but his almighty
and I thank God for that.

13 August,Thurs:

The interview was delayed to this date, went and
I did very well after all the stress I've been through it was nothing!
I laughed at my self seriously,
pfffffff am such a drama queen :P (I was telling my self).
As always I didn't really sleep but when I came back from the interview I took a nap,
then at night went out with my friends had a very good time.
Then spend the midnight at my aunt house there was a family gathering it was cool too.
Got home back around 4 a.m.

14 August,Fri:

Was a bit dull at the beginning of the day because I slept and woke up late,
at night went to my friend house for a movie and karaoke night, was so much fun.
I totally enjoyed it.
We watched (Terminator Salvation)
but it was boring so we changed it to (The hangover) again!
it was super funny lol.
Then we enjoyed the karaoke, I sang some rock songs like ...
(It's not over - Chris Daughtry), (over my head- The Fray) I rocked! XD
I really loved that night and we really should do it more often,
the best part is I saw one of my oldest friends in Ammon house
like haven't seen her for 7 years!
wow and we shared news from our childhood friends and classmates,
most of them got married and had kids, I was not really expecting that!
But it was really good catching up with an old friend.
It made me feel that time passed very fast and how we grew so fast,
still the world small in my eyes!

That's the end of my dairies for the week :)

p.s. Life is good, don't let small things bring you down.
Remember to take your chance and call an old friend today before tomorrow, it's never never too late (click here for the song). Enjoy!

A special Dedication

Today is one of my close friends Birthday (Snooz), Happy Birthday my friend wish you all the happiness in the world and may God bless you all the way. =)

...and the dream wasn't just a dream!

2009-07-17T07:51:00.000-07:00

There was this young girl who had a dream , grew up running after it... at the end she reached it.
read what Walt Disney said about Dreams / Goals that you want it to happen , you only create them; so he said:

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them."

What's the point of having a big dream and you are just scared to make a move to make it happen, currently it will take time , lots of efforts too. But good income at last you will be proud of your self that you made it happen. At then you have the right to call your self

"brave dreamer"

Speaking of dreams, I am known of my impossible dreams, (that's what my friends say). To me I see them very simple, might be silly but they are big dreams but definitely hard to get, it just how life is like, make dreams, work hard for them, be happy! including the obstacles between. So according to that here what I say:

"Impossibility never exist in a heart living today with courage,
believing tomorrow is going to be better and wishing upon a star."

Another thing to be able to go through life and fighting back what stands on your way, just to make your dreams a reality, even if it didn't be happy at least you had a chance to dream and believe in them it such a great feeling, you feel like you own the world with your dreams that seems so small but too big in your eyes. Look around you, life is beautiful just be smart , be patience be confident , don't give your attention to people not worth your attention. Go on , run after your dreams with a smile on your face. And you own the world with your smile. So I say in order to that:

"Ignorance is the best way of living a life full of confidence
, thou you create tomorrow by what you dream today"

----------------------------------------

Totally random thinking to go for modeling just magzines and comrcial in Paris I don't know just for fun ha3 I would be a great model XD

Anyway!
speaking of dreams the one we create to be able to live a happy life, etc. But now I am talking about the dreams that we get when we sleep, also can be called at some point vision, nightmare.
about a month ago, I had this nightmare "I used to think so". And I was freaking out since I woke up I told my friend Yash then my sister and mom.
The dream was like this :

I was walking by an empty road, saw a smoke I walked towards it I saw fire and it's getting even more worst every time I get near. Saw a plane crash but no people were there, so I walked fast and passed it, while I was walking I found another plane crash but this time it's a bit ugly than the 1st one there was blood but no bodies were there and that was so strange, I cried and I ran fast, I passed it and I stopped I heard some one crying I walked towards it, the shocking view was a 3rd plane crash but bodies were every where it was so horrible and I just screamed.

I woke up right away, on the sound of the Fajor prayer. I prayed , I kept saying
it's just a nightmare

it's just a nightmare Nemo ...

after 1 day I think I was watching the news and I saw the headlines about a plane crash I freaked out, then after a week and so the French plane was crashed too! I ran to my friend Yash
and told him:
duuuuuuuude ...etc. he was even going to Egypt and he totally freaked out and didn't want to go but he did and came back again safe.
on July the 15th, I was on the beach house, open the News channel (Al Arabiya) saw this headline:

Iran plane crash (click here)
In pictures (click here)

I hold my tears, I am now scared even more to sleep. Thou I use to have this kind of dreams and then few days and it happen! but been 2 years since I had such a dream and I felt normal! now it's back I hate sleeping, as my mom said you see "visions" but be strong you are allowed to see things before it happens. And as Yash my friend said " you are gifted".
Sometimes I feel I am blessed surely I am but it's just too much on my shoulders to handle.
well what can I say but this:

"O Lord, keep me strong through my journey in life. Give me strength, keep me blessed from you. O Lord, keep my faith strong and feed my soul with it's light. O Lord, give me never ending hope to keep me hanging on. I don't have no one to turn to, but you Allah. keep me away from all evil and keep people who tends to hurt me away from me, keep them busy in their lives. And I am the slave who obey you till I die and return to you; may it be in Heaven."

p.s. Thanks for all my friends who always motivate me and always there for me when I need them. Thank you it's just a word but surely I say it from my deepest heart and I hope I be a good friend as you are all. Special thanks to Yash dude you always motivate me and I so appreciate it, Oshe you always take my shit God be with you too lol, Soso and Remo you guys are the best seriously I don't know what to do without you. Rowaid and Memo aaah you guys kick ass thanks a lot for being there for me in bad times. My sister you is everything and thanks to all and sorry if I forgot someone name be sure I don't mean to I just have lots in mind.

Much love and respect (click here)

Reflection Of Manners

2009-07-06T12:48:00.000-07:00

From the book that I truly loved, it contains so many themes that close to perfection of ethics and manners. The ethics in the book (to kill a mockingbird) rarely applied now a days.

So from my daily life, people I know and close to totally judgmental and ignorant. Which I really dislike! It really bothers me to have friends like that, not that I am perfect but I never judge! And that’s important, let’s get back to the book to make it clear, here’s the quote that Atticus Finch the main character in the book said:

You never really understand a person until you consider
things from his point of view
until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.

Totally right!!!

So what brought this into my mind, I have this issue with my self, I can’t let go but I would like to understand. Here is a good question I’ve been asking my self:

Why people judge based on what they hear from others? But they never tried to ask me!

If you don’t know what I am going through or why I did that or why I didn’t do that shit, then you have no right to judge! And thank you I don’t need you!!

And then when they know what I’ve been through they give me all the sympathy in the world thinking it will help, well guess what my friend:

Fuck your sympathy!

So if you are my friend, don’t judge! Simple just ask I will be happy to answer.

Anyway, life is treating me like a queen these days, I thank God for giving me so many great chances and blessing me even more, so be smart when it comes to life not easy but beautiful indeed!

Life is like a piano

White keys represent happiness and love

Black ones represent sadness and sorrow

But you have to play on both of them to listen to

The melody of life

P.s. tomorrow Taylor’s college @ Malaysia going to start a new semester at ICPU, guys really am going to miss you , and going to miss every corner in the college, much love and respect!

A very hard decision + A special dedication

2009-07-02T16:55:00.000-07:00

Here I was finishing high school got a scholarships from the gov. to the US to study in Michigan state University, was offered to go Canada, other I was accepted in Harvard! You can say am quite blessed!

But I didn’t take any of those offers for some personal reasons; I decided to go to a local national college to study medicine, so it was 3 years I spent in medicine.

Out of sudden my mother decided to leave the country so we did and at that point I blamed her for screwing my future coz when I arrived Malaysia and applied for Uni’s they all said I’ve to start all over again and 1^st study Pre U! That was so disappointing but then I had wonderful experiences and learned a lot by studying ICPU (international Canadian pre university).

So I was attending these workshops about Australian universities, thought it would be a great idea if I settle down in Australia. Thou I applied in many Uni’s got accepted in all but before I had to choose the good environment too. My final choice was Gold coast, very beautiful place and the Uni is great!

So here am waiting, today I got the shocking news. That I’ve to start all over again! Wow how depressing is that! They said you have to get a foundation year no matter what although I have taken 2 sem of ICPU!!Screw that :@

At 1^st was sad, but then I thought about it; it’s only one year foundation and 3 years biomedical science so 4 and the master let say 2-4 so total 8 years. That means I really have to settle down in Australia!

But I am thinking of Europe now!! I am not sure if am welling to start over am really tried of studying foundations fuck it! I really want to settle down in one place and study the thing that I admire (medicine) I want to feel the passion of memorizing the body mechanisms and dissect a body. I don’t know if I am going to Australia honestly I am totally confused and in a big mess!

That’s okay with me I am quite optimistic about it, oh lol as all my friends added that maybe I’ll fall in love with a white guy!! Don’t mind too XD

Anyway let’s keep our faith strong and hope for tomorrow to be better and May God keep me strong through this and bless me even more. I just feel lucky for being so patience and hopeful so let it be the beginning of a bright future.

A special dedication

This part for my sweet friend Maha from Kuwait,

just want to wish you all the joys

of a wonderful birthday!! and

a year full of great things for your future

Happy 21th Birthday

a confession from Neem

2009-06-22T13:03:00.000-07:00

I still remember the day I saw your pretty face
I remember the way you smiled
I remember the way you laughed
Oh *tears* you flew away! that moment kept coming back on my mind
wish if it was longer
wish if I hold you so tight at then I would never let you go
all the words you said to me they are always on my mind before I sleep, eat, breath!!!
you are like the angel in my dream
you are like a kinght in my fairy tale
you are a story of hope never found
I miss your precious smile
we were so close like a body and soul
why I feel you are away and never there
just promises of yesterday
why I feel pain in my heart?
every time I remember those sweet memories and bad once too
why I feel so hard to breath when you are sad?
why my body shiver when I hear your voice?
with a tear on my cheek and a hope so strong within my soul
would you come to me and take my hand?
would you give me the chance to give you my world?
one word if you say it I will give you everything I own
my eyes if you asked me my soul I set it free
my love that is bigger than the whole world
beyond beyond beyond!
all I know is I am lost without you and always will be without you near me
it will just take my whole life to accept your absence

if me saying: "I love you"
"I adore you"
"your the air I breath"
without you I die!!!

if me saying: all the love words
if me saying: "I beg you"
if me saying all this wont bring you to my arms
my heart shall never love again!
and if it did , I shall bare it for loving some one else not you!
I meant to love you and I will always do!
and I would rather to die alone than loving some one else....

p.s. I know nothing will happen and that's how I become involved in a love story from one side! advice when you start loving some one , don't tell them if you know that they are out of your lead kill those feelings before it's too late. that's a confession from my heart :(

I am a superwoman!

2009-06-20T02:19:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with a really bad mood coz of anxious sleep. What I love about my room is full of courage quotes all over my room, mirror, back of the door, wall and door of the closet. So what changed my mood this quote on my wall “Success is that old ABC - ability, breaks, and courage.”
awesome ha!!

I don’t know but this song came across my mind hehe I started singing:

So so what?
I’m still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don’t need you
And guess what
I’m having more fun
And now that we’re done
I’m gonna show you tonight
I’m alright, I’m just fine

--------------------------------

Man!! Pink kick ass, like her spirit! Well women can be really emotional but once they are broken they become very strong even a man can’t be that strong.

To me I think men are very weak but they can’t admit it coz like I always say, it’s about ego. So here he says:

I am a superman!

Player for life baby!

I really want that girl…but hey I want my freedom too!

Dude chill!! I am just having fun

I can get any girl within seconds; (shows his muscles and winks)!!!

Get your self a chick sleeps with her, move on!

Had a good time last night!! Yeah weed was the best part “men sign for coolness”

…..

Not cool at all!

So the weird thing is men are idolized in movies as most of the superpowers characters are actually men! but rarely do we see women!! Although if we have a little chat with different women you will realize how strong and powerful they are. That’s real!! So basically men have muscles, women have strength which one is more powerful?

So I did my part in this, talked to the most amazing woman on earth, my mother. She told me a lot, and day by day she amazes me even more how strong she is and faithful to dad although it’s been 12 years now!!

But a man after his wife dies, will look for another woman to fell this space, men are hard to satisfy.Women, are easy to satisfy, one word can make her a very happy woman, simple things makes women really overwhelmed. To add, men think if they show their muscles like if it will impress women! But that’s only stupid once will, smart chicks looking only for what’s inside, a personality!

To sum up, look at all great, successful women and very famous public figures read about their biography you’ll notice they’ve been through a lot of obstacles and fought for years and even broke some boundaries and made history until they reached their goals and here they are happy and very successful, their smile tells its story!

Here’s a quote I wrote to you all man or a woman:

“When the weather is stormy, hold on tight even if you fall pick up the pieces and stand on your feet again, that’s your superpower and what makes you very special; is your strength.”

P.s. my lovely twin sister dedicate this song to me (Alicia keys – superwoman) "click on the song" thnx love you! And I dedicate it for all girls and women on the world. Don’t forget to smile coz you are beautiful =)

Oh and Nazo :D this is your part enjoy your time in UK as much as you can ;)

Godsend

2009-06-17T10:25:00.000-07:00

Back in December of 2007 my first and only relationship was ended badly. Since then I am still single because I am afraid to get hurt. At that time my psychological state was in disturbance; out of no where I met this guy.
He is like (Godsend), it was weird at 1st but I believe that everything happen for a reason besides he was just perfect for me I don’t know but we are like a one side mirror everything is common between us that even made it more awkward! I remember what he said: how did we match like that!! Yup it was like looking at the mirror! Anyhow, we become very close afterwords, we totally understand each others, was great time I spend talking to him all night about books or history the things we both admire. Even if we don’t talk to each others for one day we feel like something is missing!
The great part is he made me feel happy and made me forget what I’ve been through of my past relationship that destroyed me. He gave me my soul back, without even him noticing, I never tell him that and I wont ever for some personal reasons.
I started to likes him a lot, thinking about him a lot and talk about him and how great he is to my sister. The sad part is few weeks later I left my country, before the plane take off I send him a message telling him how I feel towards him, here’s what I wrote:

Dear, You are a gift from God and I so appreciate it,
I will always remember you and keep you in my mind Always keep in mind that you saved me and you are definitely my angel.
I know we didn’t have much time to get to know each others even more
but I am thankful that we met. It’s a blessing itself. Just want to tell you that I really started to fall for you and
I feel guilty for not telling earlier and leaving without a goodbye.
I really do from my deepest heart. Goodbye

-------------

That was my message quite long but he never replied to me, instead he never talked to me like before; actually he disappeared! For 7 months I don’t know anything about him. And he never talked to me again. But to say the truth once and a while he just sms me saying (I miss you)!
On May and twice in August. All that time I was thinking maybe it was the message I’ve sent made him freak out or pull himself away from me.
I was afraid to ask him but was deeply sad because I lost the beautiful thing in my life. In October of 2008 he sent me a message but was different, anyway he came back! I was really confused and have lots of questions but I don’t want to bother him if he didn’t talk, who am I to ask, right?
I am just a passing friend nothing more or less… So everything back to normal but a bit different was not like same old days. I really felt bad coz I was thinking it’s because of the message.
Then he admits that he has feelings for me and for the 1st time he told me he loves me I’ve waited all this time to hear it! I was so happy and told him about the message but I didn’t tell him what I said exactly. So everything was okay at a while, but then he just changed he seems away I just don’t understand why he is doing that! Just telling me a few words and then disappear.
Or may be coz of the stalker?? Oh it’s along story I will tell it some other time. Anyway at some point I felt he is just a punishment but I didn’t do anything to deserve all that and I will suffer badly even worst. And I was right! I am suffering even more am losing all my senses and my passions and my life! What should I do?
I want to undo him and move on with my life because I know he doesn’t feel the same as I do. To me I admire him more than my own soul, and that’s my worst experience even the 1st one was not that bad! At least I was not sad because my X (Seth) left me but I was sad because he hurt my feelings. And now (Jay) the “Godsend” he is hurting me even more without even noticing it or feels it, I am not sure if it’s on purpose or not but I always thought he is the one for me, but now I doubt it! Let just wait and see what days is hiding for me.

p.s. Ah! Feel better to tell it all feels like something was on my chest and now I can breathe easily.

Are you sure you are not in love!

2009-06-14T10:29:00.000-07:00

Here we go , love love love!! sick of stupid love stories that never exist in real life, just
make us feel that we don't know a shit!
they say love is in the air ... the truth is love is in the ass!
here is the reality:

-Guys: true meaning of love = fun, waste time, new experiences
love must include >>> super hot chick to fuck her up then move to another
real love = never felt it
characteristic = I am a heart breaker (H)
marriage = misery and living in jail

-Girls: true meaning of love = have a boyfriend
real love = my boyfriend me likeyyyyyyyy!!
characteristic = yaay I am in love XD
marriage = every girl dream of her wedding disaster day to be perfect and with the
super hot guy that she fool around with or another guy from another relationship or randomness! (he was
rich and why not! but I still talk to my bf XD)

.....
now the best part is ... none know what's love and true love look like, we break heart
like chewing gum.
we make the person who truly loved us cry ,,, but we never appreciate it because
we can't recognize what's true love really means.

love is something you will never taste if you kept denying it's exist , denying is not cool,
but admitting it takes a lot of courage. and that's Brave!
on the other hand, love your God 1st, your self, your parents, family and friends.
that love is pure and have no limits.
but now a days: love Edward Collen (waaah wanna have a lover like him !!)
nop nop some one like umm that Turkish actor: smart, great ACTOR put a 1000 lines under that
word. Means his perfect personality never exist and too bad never will!
be sure that guys are two faced - players wanna have fuuuuuuuuuuuuun!
don't be the victim live your life too and enjoy playing in the game as long as it will make you
a winner!
another case...
Once you truly love some one , you want to make sure it's love not a crush, here's a 20 facts means you are
deeply in love:
1- less sleeping hours
2- spending the night on bed thinking of him / her
3- when you remember him/ her you feel pain in you heart, then your eyes start tearing
4- will give your own soul for him/ her if he/ she asked
5- if something happen to him/ her accident or sickness , you'll grieve and pray until they get recovered
6- will do anything to make him/ her happy even if it will cost you a lot or even your misery.
7- you will stay away from him/ her because you are afraid to hurt him/ her
8- the idea of hurt them is completely scares you, and if it happens once you hurt him/ her you will hurt your self back
9- lose of appetite, makes you lose lots of your weight
10- always forget very fast, and always distracted somehow with deep thoughts
11- wait for him/her to call and when he/ she do you feel like you own the world
12- pray for things get better between you and him/her and if it gets worst you still have hope
13-you know he/ she is the one for you, perfect match!
14- don't see any one else but him/her even tho you've been asked from better guys/girls
15- you believe that love is blind and only see him/her
16- life has no meaning when he/ she is away
17- you can't tell him/her I love him you are scared for rejection but do stuff to him/her that leads to same meaning
18-you are afraid to make a move because you don't want to be disappointed
19-losing him/her is like losing your life
20-love control you no matter what you do or even tried to stop it , it just keep coming back stronger!